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Old 14-02-2019, 12:09 AM   #1
Cecilia1279
 
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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The Almost Relapse? trigger warning

Last week after a particularly brutal class I started to pick, off hand doesn't sound that back i know. But I ended up picking my nails until blood was running down my hands. It wasn't even the fact that I had hurt myself but that despite not harming for over a year and a half I still got that satisfaction from the pain that cutting always gave me. Like a hit of nicotine. A week later my nails are still ****ed up from the damage. And now its temptation constant temptation that makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. My parents don't understand why I'm sleeping so much. Its not even the depression, I can't slip up I cant be tempted when I am sleeping and its so much easier than being awake and having to look at people and feel like they can tell that I am so ****ed in the head I am willing to damage myself in some weird attempt to fix myself. This is my first kinda relapse with the new shrink and with a new dose of antidepressants. I wish a medication existed to bring me out of a depressive episode in 5 to 15 minutes. I doubt I will see that in this life tho.

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