Hi Lindsay
Thanks for replying and they are good questions! I can show compassion on some level quite a lot of the time because I can argue logically that there is no reason not to and I haven't done anything wrong. Also I've had so many experiences where allowing my inner monologue of hatred to take over has meant that I've performed so much worse at what I need to do that I'm on some level finally grasping that I'm a better person when I can be self compassionate so that's my route into it.
The trouble is when I'm doing something I love like education I get this sense that I don't deserve to achieve my goals because of the hate I feel towards myself and it seems like logic can't touch that. I feel so much anger at the person I was (who I suspect I hate) and also anger that I've got myself to the point where I'm on the verge of achieving something but now find myself unable to for this reason which I know is illogical. It feels so intense.
I've just had an assessment for a private counselling service where I started talking about this stuff.
I think it is important to find out where this hate comes from as it feels like it's dogged my life for a long time now. It has hurt me so much for so long now.
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