[ElectricSparks]

I thought I had recovered from self harm for the longest time, but recently I've started to again, and I get urges whereas I never used to before. A couple weeks ago I was feeling suicidal and my mom had me go to the hospital. I had to stay for about five days in inpatient, and then I left. I felt suicidal again a few days later, and had to go back for another week. While I was there I occasionally felt the urge to self harm, and I would tell the people there when that happened, which I think helped me to get rid of the urge.

But at home it's so much easier to get depressed. My mom is always mad, the house is a mess, and there's just so many problems I have to face while I'm here. I can't tell my mom when I get the urge to cut, because she doesn't understand and she'll start crying and blaming herself for my depression, which just makes things worse.

It just makes me wish I was back at the hospital and that I could stay there for good. Is it a terrible thing to say that besides missing my family I was happier there than I am here? =/