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Moonlight Princess · 26-11-2017, 10:31 PM

Hello!

Right firstly is it Valerie? I hope so anyway! I just want to say thank you so much for your post because it's so exactly what I needed to hear and I've re-read it several times since you posted because it's really chock full of the wisdom I need right now! You're right that that there is always hope so it's a good thing I'm alive as there wouldn't be any if not.

I'm currently being seen by the home treatment team and I think the plan is to re-evaluate my diagnosis which I think could be really helpful in terms of having a plan going forward.

Quote:

what do you mean by not wanting to find yourself back here?

Right now I feel like I'm in this cycle of behaviour where I make mistakes but instead of dealing with that properly I just isolate myself from the world and become suicidal. Over the years the impact of that behaviour and the people who care about me has been huge It feels like I can't stop it happening which is stupid because the only one who can stop it is me but I don't, and then it becomes "clear" that I should die.

Quote:

What makes you feel like everything was a dream?

Just how different things can feel and how quickly. Like this past week I have been actually happy, not because I'm relieved that someone stopped me, just happy in that I've been laughing and joking with my family. So what happened on Sunday? Did I dream it? Did I make it up? I'm never really able to remember how I felt when I do something that impulsive. I can't remember it now so all of this support and input seems really superfluous and I'm pretty certain that's how it comes across to my family.

Luna, Jenna I think it's only you deeply kind people who can see that see that in me and I too am honoured to be your friend. Also right back at ya with those adjectives! I'm half afraid that I am being silly though because everything feels different now so surely I need to be honest about that? I did tell the psychiatrist that often everything feels different after I try to kill myself and I often can't access how I felt when I was doing it. I hope that's enough for them to know that I'm not making this up because I really don't think I am.

Thanks Rachel, Mary and Lorraine Lots of love to you all, I'm so grateful for your support.

Lana And you are one of the best people on the effing planet too. Yeah I do want a better future than this. I'm going to fight for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tamobhuuta

I hope you enjoyed the movie. I'm glad you reached out. Why do you feel so bad?

I did thanks Miriam, it was Paddington 2 which I can highly recommend! I think it was mainly just a cumulative effect of my behaviour over the years. I just find all my behaviour so inexplicable and frustrating.

26-11-2017, 10:31 PM	#12
Moonlight Princess Never forgetting to be awesome Join Date: Mar 2006 I am currently:	Hello! Right firstly is it Valerie? I hope so anyway! I just want to say thank you so much for your post because it's so exactly what I needed to hear and I've re-read it several times since you posted because it's really chock full of the wisdom I need right now! You're right that that there is always hope so it's a good thing I'm alive as there wouldn't be any if not. I'm currently being seen by the home treatment team and I think the plan is to re-evaluate my diagnosis which I think could be really helpful in terms of having a plan going forward. Quote: what do you mean by not wanting to find yourself back here? Right now I feel like I'm in this cycle of behaviour where I make mistakes but instead of dealing with that properly I just isolate myself from the world and become suicidal. Over the years the impact of that behaviour and the people who care about me has been huge It feels like I can't stop it happening which is stupid because the only one who can stop it is me but I don't, and then it becomes "clear" that I should die. Quote: What makes you feel like everything was a dream? Just how different things can feel and how quickly. Like this past week I have been actually happy, not because I'm relieved that someone stopped me, just happy in that I've been laughing and joking with my family. So what happened on Sunday? Did I dream it? Did I make it up? I'm never really able to remember how I felt when I do something that impulsive. I can't remember it now so all of this support and input seems really superfluous and I'm pretty certain that's how it comes across to my family. Luna, Jenna I think it's only you deeply kind people who can see that see that in me and I too am honoured to be your friend. Also right back at ya with those adjectives! I'm half afraid that I am being silly though because everything feels different now so surely I need to be honest about that? I did tell the psychiatrist that often everything feels different after I try to kill myself and I often can't access how I felt when I was doing it. I hope that's enough for them to know that I'm not making this up because I really don't think I am. Thanks Rachel, Mary and Lorraine Lots of love to you all, I'm so grateful for your support. Lana And you are one of the best people on the effing planet too. Yeah I do want a better future than this. I'm going to fight for it. Quote: Originally Posted by tamobhuuta I hope you enjoyed the movie. I'm glad you reached out. Why do you feel so bad? I did thanks Miriam, it was Paddington 2 which I can highly recommend! I think it was mainly just a cumulative effect of my behaviour over the years. I just find all my behaviour so inexplicable and frustrating. Last edited by Moonlight Princess : 29-11-2017 at 07:33 PM.
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