You are not weak or grotesque, you are struggling, and in whatever way that happens to a lot of us and doesn't mean we're bad, just struggling. I'm sorry your gp/cpn don't seem to understand how distressing this is for you. I can't offer any more advice than in the first place but I can reassure you that no matter what you are struggling with be it food, sh or whatever you are a worthwhile person and no one should be punished for having a hard time.
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