Hey, haven't been here in ages but, I think I need some support.
On paper everything looks good, I have somewhere to live, I have a girlfriend, I do voluntary work but, everything seems so horrible.
I started having really bad thoughts, what my CPN called ideas of reference, and hallucinations again, on top that fashbacks and self harm and some attempts to end my life. I hide things well. I turned vegan after watching a horrible documentary and cried myself to sleep, I talked about emotional SH and well I still do it as well as the actual thing. As this moment in time I'm listening to song that distresses me, I need to hear it to remind of a certain night. I need to remember what happened because the police are getting involved after months of not hearing of anything.
My girlfriend is so precious I can't burden her with all my evil.
Not taking meds, spitting them out when they give them to me because trust no one. Except her. I trust her. They said I was getting psychotic but they pump me with drugs and see the psych every 6 weeks.
Just so sad
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