The pysch you used to see is most definitely correct.
I can relate - I sometimes also feel like a failure. I wonder though if you had diabetes or something similar would you feel like a failure taking insulin every day?
some people need to stay on medication to remain stable and that there is no shame in that b
You mentioned you don't want to go back to 2018, can you use that as motivation to keep taking your medication? Can you try to think of it as a protective factor keeping you stable and safe?
Sorry for 100 questions, feel free to ignore them :)