Hey Brian. Nice to see you too :)
Thanks Kat. I know what you mean and,yes, I do blame myself 100%. Spoke to my therapist last week who said I don’t ever aim my anger outwardly and always aim it inwardly. She was 100% correct. I get angry about things and just swallow it all in and turn it against myself. I’m always to blame regardless.
Having a terrible day today. One where even breathing is an effort. I managed to walk the dog and walk for 6 miles but it didn’t really help. Well I say it didn’t help but it didn’t make me feel any worse. All of me aches. I just feel like everything from years back is returning again. I have the doctors next week again for a checkup. I don’t want to tell her how bad things are because I was told that the next step will be a meds’ review. I can’t change now as there’s so much going on over the next 7 weeks.
I just wish I could wake up as a totally different person. I loath myself. I really do. Stupid f**king head.