I was scared because it had never been this bad before. I have made myself throw up a few times before but it was different because I had been feeling bad and I felt better afterwards, so at least it helped.
This time I don't know why I did it. And why it was worse than usual.
It didn't even make me feel better at all, I only made me feel worse and it made me realise that this is not something I want to do. That doesn't help much because almost every day I get the urge to throw up whenever I try to eat in a normal way.
I rarely give in to these urges but their existence stresses me out a lot.