Thank you for your reply, it really does mean a lot to me. I understand that no one has answers for me, but I really appreciate all the support anyway.
If I lose my job, then I wouldn't have much more to lose by admitting myself, plus I will probably be eligible for free healthcare if I'm unemployed. So I can try that before I do anything final. It's just that as Straight 3 so smartly said, it is probably going to be fruitless and a setup for failure because there would be no followup after I am considered no longer in an immediate danger and discharged. Last time I was in the hospital, it was exactly that - staff didn't really know what to do with me, I just spent most of the time in bed, sedated, with confused-looking people watching over me, and then was sent back home with some pills, when I was no longer so deep in a crisis. I guess if everything goes down I can try that too, though. But if I want to keep this job, going inpatient just isn't an option.
I'll try talking to my psychiatrist about everything next time I see him. I feel bad about it though, he is just a doctor, he isn't there to hear out my whole life story and give me advice, he is just there to assess my condition and give me appropriate meds, and refer me to other specialists if necessary.