I'm sorry for not being very helpful with this.
I read everything and my heart goes out to you and I care. You are trying hard to not get hospitalized I can see. I can understand "first hand" as I also fight it because of trust issues between hospital staff and patient. I've been hospitalized countless times (for various lengths) and nothing bad happened and I'm still here and live to talk about it. Mostly I'm ignored by staff because they don't know what to do with me because I'm a rather a-typical TBI (traumatic brain injury). I don't think you should fear going inpatient if you need it though.
I completely understand and relate to seeing suicide as the only option, but in reality, its not. Its final and you can't take it back.. or worse, there have been cases of people botching the job and having to endure even worse that our current living hell we already have to deal with.
I think you should be completely honest with your psychiatrist with how bad you need therapy and try your best to force his/her hand to make this happen with the best of their power because just sending you inpatient with no followup with a therapist once you get out seems fruitless and a setup for failure. You doctor needs to understand this if they haven't considered that outcome.
Again, I don't have the answers and admittedly sometimes we only see that 1 (final and unfair) option that we don't deserve.
It appears like you have a uphill fight on your hands. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I want you to prevail.
We deserve every chance as much as anybody rich or poor. The system isn't fair by any means, I'll admit that.
**sending you positive vibes**