I am just thinking, and it may well sound silly and impossible, but if you end up losing your job..... would you consider being admitted then???? I can tell you don't have free health care but i am wondering if there is some way around that, to help you if you become unemployed. I don't know your location and even if i did i'd probably be a bit limited to what practical advice i could give you but is there a place nearby where one might enquire about such things and could get a valid response and some good advice????
I know it's easy for me to say, but please don't kill yourself. I have seen people come and go over the years and getting into all sorts of trouble but for almost everyone, things could be resolved. Again, easy for me to say because i am not the one who might lose my apartment and my job but i just want to say that there are places where help can be found. And people who are willing to help with no charge at all. It will seem dark and impossible right now but i really, really think it's worth holding on a bit longer to search for options for help. And there is help. It might not be perfect and all inclusive but it's there.
What i am really trying to say is that there is hope. I know it's hard to see right now but it's there.
Hold on for a while and explore your options and try to be honest about what kind of help you need and what the future currently looks like. Maybe your psychiatrist has some suggestions where to start????
Keep talking here. Keep reaching out for help.