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Old 17-02-2019, 05:04 AM   #8
Juella's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2014
I am currently:

I'm sorry to post here again, but things took a considerable nosedive.

I managed to email my old therapist and got a reply, even though I haven't really hoped for one. I've been emailed a pdf booklet on CBT with a comment that states that I have been already taught basic CBT skills, they can't provide me with further support due to "their limitations" (not sure what that means but I suppose that's an "I'm not paid enough to go beyond reciting contents of the CBT booklet"), and they "don't think further outpatient treatment can be benefitial due to complexity and severity of the case" (not sure what this means either, but I suppose they told me I'm a lost cause). They also mentioned how my job is "extremely detrimental" to everything and I don't want to quit it. TLDR: I've been denied any therapy from this therapist, or any other, no suggestions on what to do next were given.

I also tried asking my psychiatrist in a theoretical way on what is going to happen if things go as bad as they actually are. I am going to be sectioned for an indefinite period of time, until I improve, that's the protocol, because no one wants to be responsible for my death.

But the cherry on cake is my job. I've basically been told that unless I can do something to quickly improve my condition and reduce my issues, they aren't interested in keeping me, due to seriously increasing pressure from the higher ups regarding our working standards. Yesterday I found out I was secretly filmed at work on a personal request of someone really high up and been put for evaluation by a team of 5 or 6 people including the CEO himself. Haven't ever been in anything remotely close to crap this deep. I have absolutely no clue what options I have other than suicide if I lose my job. I have a very specific set of skills that can't be applied much outside of this specific job, and I really don't think I would be able to look for a new job due to how severely unwell I am. I live in a rented apartment, the only person I could turn to for help told me "no" yesterday. I have no savings, no one to turn to and no place to go if I lose this apartment. I spent all night staring at the ceiling, trying to think what I can do, and nothing other than suicide comes to my mind. I don't even have anyone to ask for advice.

I'm so exhausted by it all.

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