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Old 28-09-2011, 10:16 AM   #2
inconditus
 
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: London

You can do one of two things, or both!

Firstly, you can make your responses less direct. When she makes those comments then of course you tell her all of the things that you like about her, that she has absolutely no reason to hate herself so much. In addition to this, you make an effort to boost her confidence over other things. It might seem a little patronising at first but congratulate her when she has done something good, praise her when she makes you laugh - just make more of a big deal of all her good qualities, e.g. when she makes you laugh, "you're so funny", when she gets a high grade or does well at university, "you're so intelligent/clever" or when she does something for someone else "you're such a good person/you're so nice/lovely/thoughtful". This isn't going to change her perception of herself over night but slowly these positive comments will creep into her thoughts and will, hopefully, make her feel better about herself. The self-hatred and negative self-perception stem from something, and perhaps because someone else has told her these things in the past and it has just stuck, so bombarding her with positive comments will hopefully help to counter-act these over time; all of your love will help to replace the hurt inside.

Alternatively, you can try a more direct approach. When she says that she hates herself, don't fall into the "you don't need to"/"you're perfect" responses but ask her: why? what have you done to hate yourself so much? what makes you such a bad person? She will respond with an answer, which you can help to dissect and prove her wrong, or she will not be able to respond and this in itself will give her something to think about. When someone says these things to me, this is what I will say to them because 9 times out of 10, it will help them reach a different conclusion. You will help prove to them that the reasons they have for hating themselves isn't their fault, or isn't even a reason to feel angry at themselves, or you will help the realise that they've spent so much energy disliking themselves and putting themselves down but can't think of one plausible reason for doing this. As with everything, it is not an overnight fix but persevere and you'll be amazed at the results. Just be confident enough to question your friend and not tip-toe around her because it will help her in the long run if you can get to the root of the comments she's making.

I hope this helps, good luck! :)


Last edited by inconditus : 28-09-2011 at 10:22 AM.
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