Thanks heaps for all your replies and hugs.
I agree that we didn't 'make love' so in that sense i haven't lost my virginity but i believe he has taken it though. Oh, just typing that sentence has made me cry; "we" and "love"! I have this link to this disgusting man that I want to sever but I just can't seem to, I don't know how to and I don't think I can or that it is possible. I feel I'm letting him win, letting him control my life! Sometimes I think of suicide so he can't control me anymore and then I think I'm just letting him win again. I just don't know what to do! Medically speaking I've lost my virginity, right? I feel I deserved it. I deserve every bad thing that has ever happened to me and every bad thing that's still coming my way! It was all my fault! I'm a bad, evil, dirty, disgusting, damaged, piece of ****!! I don't deserve to be loved and the people that say they do love me are deluding themselves! I can't get what happened/him out of my head! I'm so scared and sick of it all!
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