I tried again that night. Legit thought I was going to die, just laid there and of course i woke up. Made a mess of my room and was so embarrassed that when I woke, very fucking weak. I changed my sheets and duvet so the staff wouldn't do it. Its ridiculous, there I am losing a lot of blood and and my second thought was how the staff might feel.
I tried everything, I looked at my dbt folder. I played my uke for hours but my anxiety was sky high still. I called a rape hotline and felt stupid sobbing at her so I hung up. I honestly thought I was going to die. Unfortunate.
My therapist told me I told my CPN to not take it further with the police, lol, no recollection of that but it must be what I wanted. I'm so sad and anxious and lonely.