I'm so sorry your CPN wasn't able to phone you today. I know how much courage it took you to reach out to her. That's frustrating that the informal crisis team have changed the time of your appointment. Do you know if it's because of another patient? I'm just wondering if there could be other reasons, like perhaps they want to make sure they've got time to spend with you properly without distractions. I hear how painful it feels to have an appointment changed though when you're trying so hard to hold on.
It doesn't sound medication-seeking to me to want to explore medication options. I think it's worth mentioning. It's alright to know what you might need more than anyone else who knows you tbh. You've been dealing with things for so long, kind of like you're the expert in you? Just to advocate for psychology, though, sometimes change and new ways of thinking can still come after many, many years. There are so many different approaches, and it's not up to you on your own to know what needs to be tackled.