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Old 04-01-2020, 01:17 PM   #1990
The Shadow of the Day
one_step_closer's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

Overdosing is still punishment, and I need to be punished. I really wish I would just get on with it.

The new vet is only open one day a week or something and I don't know when unless I phone them. The old vet is a bus journey and 25 minute walk away which is why I wanted to change to somewhere closer. It's the weekend anyway, I'll probably phone the old vet on Monday and sort out their usual treatments etc.

I will of course try my best to speak to crisis, I just don't seem to be able to communicate things well enough when I speak to people and even if I write things it still doesn't get across what I'm trying to say. I get really tired during face to face interactions and end up zoning out. It's also hard because with my CPN I can write about what happened in between appointments but I don't see the same crisis people regularly so there is so much more to cover and I don't know what I should even say. The point of crisis coming is to introduce me to the new people (and give me support at the weekend but I think that is secondary) so it's not always possible to talk about how things are if they steer the conversation in some other direction. I do find it beneficial to interact here because there is no pressure to reply immediately but it's still a conversation and I can have time to think and edit my responses.

I think I'm going to be stuck forever and that is more ok than having outside pressures making things worse. I don't think there is a better.

I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

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