View Single Post
Old 28-05-2019, 10:38 AM   #1
Margo
 
Margo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
I am currently:
The trouble with meaning well *suicide*

I’ve been good the past 3 years. Happy for the first time in many. There’s a lot going on now. New job, getting married, huge living decision to be made also.

I haven’t been right since December. I know I’ve been low level depressed since then. However it’s the kind of depressed that you just get on with and accept because, after all, I’ve felt much Much worse.

Last few weeks have been bad. Really bad. No sh thoughts but strong suicidal thoughts. Stronger than most I’ve felt.
Only reason it’s stop is my partner and the dog. I just can’t do that to them.

She called the doc and made an appointment. I went and now I’m being referred to the mht again.

I’ve been free of mh services for just over 3 years now promising I’d never return.

Friend said today to just focus on all the positive in my life. Friends who don’t understand do that don’t they. Just look on the bright side. You’ve GOT TO focus on the good stuff. You know it’s just x or y.

Somehow it’s the things like that that hurt most. They hurt because they make you feel like you’re a failure for not seeing the light. For not seeing it’s just an email or just a conversation to have. There’s nothing to be frightened of and so on.

Docs again in 20 mins. So low. So full of anxiety and weird paranoid thoughts.

No where else to say this.

Failing hard. Yet again



~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P
Bitter Angel is my Mitten
Animad is my Top Trump
All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P



Margo is offline   Reply With Quote
8 Hugs Given By :