I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much and there aren't any beds but I also want you to remember that It won't cause your family less pain in the long run. Everyday your family will face life without you and it wouldn't get easier on them. So try and hold on to the fact that you don't want to hurt your family.
Would you be able to go to a local crisis house rather than a hospital?
I agree with dreamer about speaking to others. You are not alone in this.