I tried. I cried for help to a woman I've never met before as my regular CPN is off. I told her my plan. I don't exaggerate. There are 'no beds'. HTT just tell me to 'think positively' or 'have a FUCKING BATH'. If I go to A&E I will be in the waiting room for hours and be fobbed off or stuck in a cubicle as hey! There are apparently no beds and they don't give a fuck. They don't care. They all hate me and want me dead anyway. Now, ironically, I have to prove my point or they will never listen to me again. Didn't need much more motivation but the help is not there.
I need to die. This needs to be over. I no longer care. My life always ends up here and I've had enough. I've flat out had enough. My CPN and psychiatrist are both away. My life has been a mess since I was 4. There is NO HOPE. Oh god help me I don't want to do this to my family but in the long run it will cause them less pain, I'm sure of it. I'm not cut out for life. I've tried and tried and struggled and struggled and enough is enough.
I have bought what I need to fulfil my plan.