I know what you mean about the 'right questions.' I said once to my psychologist that I often sit with professionals and they ask me stuff and in my head I'm thinking 'that's not the question I need you to be asking, ask me this.' My psychologist said that I should say what I need to be asked, it is hard though but writing things down could be a very good idea. If you let them know that you are having a hard time but want to do all that you can to stay out of hospital then I'd hope they would do their best to support you with that.
It's a shame when there are few professionals who seem to understand you. I get that. I find most of the people in my local voluntary crisis service really hard to talk to and quite unhelpful. My support worker has in the past asked me to let him know what I want/need from crisis and he would feed it back to the team and put it in my notes so people would hopefully follow that. So, for example, I let him know that when I phone I want to talk about what I'm going through not have people push distractions. People didn't always follow the plan but it's good to have a say on what is best for you.