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Old 06-04-2018, 09:48 PM   #1
asheee's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Mars
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Was it assault/abuse?

This is something I've never really talked about. And never in detail.

I seem to have one memory of it happening but I don't remember when exactly. I remember it was in our first house which we moved out of when I was 10/11 so it was before then. The person was 3 years older than me.

Anyway. I remember they would come into my room quite frequently and as far as I can remember, it was just sharing the bed. I have a memory of wanting them to leave and getting pretty upset/angry about it but can't remember why which leads me to think it was perhaps more than once? The situation I'm talking about involved them asking if they could touch me. Then pretty much pleading before I "gave in" (I don't like that term but I can't think of another word). I don't recall ever touching them. I also don't recall it going any further than that.

Fast forward a few years and there were a lot of situations where I'd wake up and the person would be standing in my room. Or I'd notice them slowly opening the door (like they didn't want me to notice). I'd ask why and the reply would be "I don't know". I would get extremely upset by this but the reply would always be the same. This has made me really paranoid. If I knew they were around, I would stare at my door for any signs of movement. I'd have trouble sleeping as well. I often get flashbacks or wake up panicking from a nightmare.

I can't trust that nothing happened when I was asleep and I can't trust that it didn't happen more than once when I was a child because I can't remember.

You can survive anything, as long as you survive

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