I feel a bit like the words "I'm so sorry you're have to go through all this" are inadequate but I truly am saddened that you're facing these dark thoughts and such a difficult past. It's just not fair have you ever got any help or spoken to anyone about what you've been through? You deserve a better life than this and it's not impossible for you.
Please try and keep yourself as safe as you can. While you're feeling like this it's best you don't go to dangerous places like mine shafts. Things are unbearable right now but please don't give up.
Can you speak to someone who might be able to get you in touch with emergency accommodation? Living in your car is just going to make this more rough than it already is.
Thinking of you x