26-10-2009, 02:20 AM
the world is no longer mysterious
Join Date: Feb 2009
I am currently:
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering
I have so much to say to all of you...but I don't know which one to start with....I guess we should start with the easiest....
WHY??!! just tell me WHY??!!! I was 15 years old, and you KNEW, you KNEW about my past, you ****ing KNEW what he did to me...and yet you did the same thing anyway..ontop of beating me on a daily bases....I was already getting beaten at home, WHY you TOO??? did you get some egotistical thrill out of seeing me cry and wiping the blood off my mouth??!! DID YOU???!!! and the whole "leave me and I'll kill myself" bit..I should have LET you DIE, you unbeleivible BASTARD
how could you DO that to me??!! and not even a year later harass me to the point of not ever wanting to go back to school, what the hell did you get out of that??! TELL ME WHAT??!
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU THAT WARRENTED YOU EVER TOUCHING ME THAT WAY??!!!! WAHT DID I EVER DO TO YOU THAT LET YOU THINK THAT BREAKING MY RIBS WAS OK??!!! AND FOR WHAT?? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!
YOU ARE STILL A HUGE PART OF THE REASON I DON'T LIKE MEN, AND BOYS, AND I HOPE THAT YOU ROT IN HELL
IT KILLS ME THAT I NEVER REPORTED YOU, BUT I WAS TOO AFRAID AT THE TIME TAHT YOU'D KILL ME...
I HOPE YOU'RE IN JAIL NOW YOU ASSHOLE.
how could you? I didn't do anything ahrdly and yet you felt the need to beat me every day and tell me you were going to kill me? I secretly wish you would have, I really do..if you didn't want me then why did you have sex?? if you didn't WANT me, then why take me in??
I know I look like mom, I'm not aorry, I can't help that, I'm not sorry taht I'm disabled, I can't help that either, you wanted a perfect child with perfect hair and a perfect attitude
instead you got me....don't pretend that you care because you never did, you never wanted me in the first place, so why bother?
I TRIED to have a relationship with you I burried the hatchet admited to my part of the wrong, yes I was hard to put up with but to be fair you didn't have to BREAK my RIBS!!!
I tried to have a rlationship with you, because mom said I'd regret it if I didn't, I've grown up and done my part, so why can't you?
jsut no that when you die..I'm not going to be the one crying at your funeral..you deserve waht you get
and you didn't want kids in the first place which makes me scared to death of what you're going to do to my baby sister when she gets to teenager age.
your being adopted is not a reason to beat your children
that doesn't give you control!!
and towards the end of me staying with you, I was so suicidal that your threats of killing me made me laugh
I only wished that you would.
you don't deserve to have any children, and I hope that my sister realizes what a monster you are and does the same thing I did
so that when you die, you die alone.
HOW COULD YOU?!!!!!!
you were DRUNK!!!!!
and the fact taht I pushed you off me when we were outside should have told you that I didn't want to sleep with you!!!!!
but you didn't care did you!!!
no, you only wanted to get a ****.....
and you wanna know the worst part about it is? talking to you the other day like nothing happened, like I'm not scared shitless of you
like you didn't RAPE me 8 months ago
and when you asked about it..I lied,
I lied because I was scared to confront you, because at that point it was my word against yours
do you have any idea WHAT this has DONE to me??!!!
YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME!!!!!!!
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU WERE DRUNK, I WASN'T!!!!!
IT WENT TO FAR AND I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT WHEN I PUSHED YOU OFF ME, BUT NOW, YOU DIDN'T CARE
I HOPE YOUR GIRLFRIEND REALIZES WHAT A PRICK YOU ARE AND LEAVES YOU, YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A PIECE A ****
AND YOU TREAT HER LIKE ****.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??? I WAS 11 YEARS OLD YOU SICK MOTHER ****ER!!!!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE LAID AWAKE CRYING FROM NIGHTMARES OVER THIS, OVER WHAT YOU DID TO ME??!!!!
HOW MANY TIMES i'VE BLAMED MYSELF???
i STILL BLAME MYSELF TO THIS DAY BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID TO ME...
HOW COULD YOU TOUCH ME THAT WAY?? i COULD YOU MAKE ME....
WHY??!!!! I WANT TO ****ING KNOW WHY YOU DID THAT TO ME???!!!!
i'VE BEEN TO THERAPY FOR THIS AND IT HASN'T HELPED YET, MOM ASKED THE SAME "WHY" AND SHE SAID THAT YOU'RE BROTHER SAID TAHT YOU STATED IT WAS THE "DEVILS MUSIC"
THAT IS ****ING BULLSHIT!!!
I WAS A CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOULD EVER DO THAT TO A CHILD!!!
i REALLY HOPE THAT YOU'RE ****ING DEAD IN JAIL BY NOW...AND WE GOT A NOTE FROM THE JAIL SAYING THAT YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF A YEAR AGO...
AND YOU DIDN'T SUCCEED?
NO YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU DESERVE TO LIVE TORMENTED BY THE ****ING MEMORIES OF WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!
YOU DON'T DESERVE TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!
AND i REALLY HOPE THAT WHEN YOU DIE...YOU GET ASS RAPED BY DEMONS
BECAUSE IT'S WAHT YOU DESERVE YOU SICK ****ING PIECE OF ****
I'VE HURT MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
I STARVE MYSELF BECAUSE I'M SCARED TO BE TOUCHED BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!
I STILL BLAME MYSELF EVERY GODDAMN DAY FOR WHAT YOU DID, AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT I'VE HAD PEOPLE TELL ME IT WAS MY FAULT
SO WHO AM I TO BELEIVE??
I JUST WANT TO ****ING KNOW WHY YOU WOULD EVER DO THAT TO ME??!!
I TRUSTED YOU!
Losing the possibility of something is the exact same thing as losing hope and without hope nothing can survive.
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍