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Old 16-10-2009, 10:53 AM   #21
Tig
 
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Join Date: Jan 2007

This may be triggering so I have put it in white.

Dear Daddy,

I still struggle to come to terms with the situation I found myself and my family in many years ago. It is not me I feel anger for but for my brothers and for my brothers. Whilst you picked on me, it was them that was most affected.
How do you think my Mum felt when she was forced to choose between me and you and she only had one option, to put me in foster care because there was no way she could leave you as her and my brothers would be homeless so she lost me. We still haven't managed to repair our relationship completely though I can see where she is coming from now when I am not too emotionally unstable.
I remember when I was very little, probably about 5 and I was going to be a bridesmaid the next day. My little brother was poorly and my Mum was concerned but she arranged for him to be taken care of. You got angry - I remember you throwing a chair at her and harming her, she fell to the floor and blood was pouring everywhere. You just stormed out of the house and Mum ran up to the bathroom and carried on running me a bath. I'm so proud of her, I wish I could have helped.
My little brothers witnessed so much. They saw you hit me, beat me, scream at me and hurl words that 7 and 8 years old shouldn't have to hear. My oldest little brother I could hear begging my Mum to get him out the house because he couldn't bear to hear you screaming at me.
Now he won't even talk to me. He doesn't believe me, he just blocks out everything that happens and believes YOU because you're his Father. You have no idea how much that hurts me. I wish you could just face up to what you did and not let everyone suffer.
Even though you have moved away now you still affect everyone. Mum is scared of relationships. J1 hates me because he thinks I tore the family apart. You let my little bro J2 down, all the time, all he wants is he Dad and you won't let him have that. Why? What has he done so wrong?
I miss you Dad and I wish you would be my Dad. I want to one day find forgiveness because I will always love you. The marks you left, they faded but the mental stuff - no, it hasn't faded I'm sorry but I still love you.
Please be a man and step up to your role as Dad. I know I'm 19 now but my little brothers aren't, you still have a chance with them.




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