Would it help to talk more about what's going on?
I understand the temptation to cope the way that you are, but in the long run (and even the short term really) it isn't going to help. Do you have any healthier coping mechanisms you can try? Anyone that you could talk to just now?
You can do this. I know you've got through some really rough times before, so I know you can do this too.
Take good care of yourself.