I'm not doing too well.
P was really distant (?) and they are going away for Xmas.
I am so strongly aware of the fact that I can't ever be okay, I will always be ill and P is directly affected by this just like everyone was before they died or left. They're better off without me. I know this and it hurts so much. The others aren't like this.
I bought X(thing for SH). I know it's bad but it's all I can think about in the midst of losing everything I love and never being enough. It better than the alternative which I can't quantify/predict properly. I can't stop crying.
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