[Isabelv]

Like you've been lost for so long that your own darkness is now your home and your so incredibly numb you can't feel at all. Life has become a burden and it's hard just to take breaths to stay.your self hatred is so strong it convinces you that you don't even deserve to live, you don't even deserve to be happy. There are constant voices in your head telling you your ugly, fat , stupid, worthless, useless, sick and pathetic. And though you so desperately want to have just a glimse of happiness you know that it's no use because you won't get better and you don't deserve it. And all your vices are now your friends and comfort, now they take up every space in your heart and mind and they force you to surrender anything of value. It's like you've fallen but no one can hear your screams and soon enough you just except that this is how it's supposed to be. For me personally that's how it is, I pushed everything under the rug and they all grew and became depression, self harm, self hatred, fear, and suicidal thoughts. Everything I pushed down for so long ate me up inside and consumed all my sanity, and I tried to live with it by numbing the pain but that made it worse. I tried closing my heart off completely but that turned it to stone and I tried pushing people away by not giving them a name so they wouldn't mean anything to me if they left. I know this is long but I just felt like posting this and if you can relate than you can share or tell you story.