I'm struggling a lot right this second and don't know what to do. I can't phone my CPN because I have already seen her. There's nothing anyone can do to help anyway and I can't end up back in hospital because it will upset my brother. I know that me being in hospital would upset him less than me being dead but at least if I was dead the pain would stop for me and I wouldn't be able to see his pain (very selfish I know). I just do not know what to do to ease my emotional pain and I don't want to have to fight this any longer.