[amy_]

I really dont understand after being almost a year im getting flash backs again. I would normally fight them but this time the feeling of someones hands rubbing my leg and grabbing my breasts i feel like im just letting it happen like it did on the bus i eventually gave up fight and let him touch me.i dont understand why im not fights. My mind is compining a few flashbacks making it worse . My boobs being grabbed and leg and thigh rubbed for an entire year on a bus i know what happened really but my flash back makes is worse i feel all of the things that really happened then it changes to him grabbing my boob coking me and fingering me on the bus i can smell and feel him touching my body but i know he not here yet im letting it happen i feel my body just waiting for it to end. I dont get why my flash back are getting worse each time i have them. Like i should feel like the guy on the bus is raping me and coking me from behind even though he never did that and it was my first bf who would. Im sorry if this dont make sense