It might be easier to message her but it's also harder because I second guess myself so much that the message changes completely by the time I can send it. It loses it's original meaning. I managed to talk to her the first time by telling her earlier in the day to not let me forget to talk about something important when we were alone. To be completely honest, I told her over a year ago and then we both went to different colleges. I've only seen her a few times since school started so it feels like I haven't really told anybody. When I first started this post I didn't mention her mainly because we hadn't talked that much, but now that it's summer we've reconnected. I have a hard time staying connected to people because I feel like I'm annoying or that they question why I am texting them after a while of silence.
I've wanted to tell my family for a little while now but the monumental change is holding me back. My dad's father is the one who abused me and my dad already has trust issues I don't want to add another reason not to trust people. Plus I know for a fact my mom would blame herself. She has a bad habit of doing that and she's already having a hard time right now. My problems would just add so much new stress for everyone that the only thing I've managed to do is make drafts of an email explaining what I went through. I really don't want my family to break apart.
RAINN has been pretty helpful. I've only managed to bring up the courage to use it a couple of times but every time I've talked it's been a little easier. They are really supportive and they've managed to saying a few things I've needed to hear. They make me feel understood and they have given me helpful tips. One of which was a therapy journal to have a place to write down my feelings and do various exercises. That's also helped a lot.