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Old 09-02-2008, 02:01 AM   #7
coma
faking a smile once again
 
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Midwest, US
I am currently:

The reason why I started up again was because the stress of college has been getting to me. I have almost no friends, I'm apathetic, was feeling suicidal, my grades suck, no motivation, I cry when I should be doing homework, the like. I needed something to help me deal with it. I'm too depressed right now. And two days before was the two year anniversary of the day I was going to kill myself (the fifth.) I just didn't want to completely break like I was close to doing.

I feel guilty and relieved about cutting after almost a year and a half. The worst part is going to be telling my therapist. I don't want to see the disappointed look on his face.

I really hope it doesn't start getting warm soon. The weather is confusing here. Some days it's about 55 degrees and sometimes it's below freezing. It's 47 now. According to MSN, it's supposed to be long-sleeve weather for the next few days. And I figure that I can leave my shirt on to sleep in with my boyfriend. But if I were to cut on my legs, I'm screwed. Don't know how that's going to work. I guess I can turn away for that?

I'm tempted to ask the make-up counter, but that's so embarrassing. I'd have to go over a few towns They're really not that far from each other. Where I live is pretty small. I'm really pale. I haven't found anyone paler than me, seriously. I also have extremely small arms, so I can't wear normal bracelets, but I could have some links taken out. I was making a safety pin bracelet at one point, but didn't finish it.

Layering. That's a good idea. I'm trying to change my style up a little bit, anyways. Same with the scarves.

I like all of your ideas. I might go shopping this weekend, even though I'm pretty broke.

I see my bf in a week. Do you think they'll be healed by then? That'll make things easier. We're supposed to go clothes shopping to use up some of my gift cards, so I don't want him to see anything. I might tell the person we're going with because she knows I used to. She can cover for me or give me make-up. It helps to know a cosmetologist who has insane amounts of make-up and tricks.



The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours- it is an amazing journey- and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
~Bob Moawad

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