Because of my past and everything that's happened to me, I constantly have in my head the feeling that I deserve to be punished. I know we're only supposed to talk about self-harm on this forum and I also know that I am not the only person who self-harms stems from other topics discussed in other forums. As long as I was giving in to eating disorder behaviors , I seemed to be okay with not cutting. Now that I saw my eating disorder therapist for the first time and got some practical tools to help me with it, I felt completely out of control and needed to compensate in some way and I finally couldn't resist any longer. I feel awful about it and I will be discussing it with two Elders from my congregation to try to get some Comfort about it. I just constantly feel out of control and don't know what to do anymore. I'm waiting to get into a trauma Treatment Center which is the stem of everything and it's just really frustrating not to know when I'm going to be admitted. I've been waiting for 2 months since I was told I was accepted and I've been having Insurance craziness that has prevented me from going so far. I'm just such a mess and feel so blasted defective all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of hurting.
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