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Old 12-02-2019, 05:39 PM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2008

Oh clearly that’s how it works! I don’t think I was ever an anorexic BMi but they made sure I was no longer underweight before backing off a bit. Tbf now they did take it seriously at the time and refed me and all that but I was only eating to get out of there and they didn’t actually give me any psychological support to deal with the mental side of it.

I have a CPN and therapist. When I tried talking to my CPN she quite helpfully said ‘well no one can force you to eat’. So that was a mistake. Began talking about it in therapy a bit last week but that in itself is complicated because it’s more like family therapy - my partner comes in with me and we’re doing a joint approach to keep me out of hospital. Which isn’t working because surprise surprise I’m in again.

I don’t know what’s behind the restriction but I know the over eating is because of the restriction. When all this started as a teenager I was a healthy weight but bullied for being fat so I used to starve all day and be so hungry when I got home that I’d just eat everything. Then when I was more successful at restriction I’d binge and that’d be it ruined and then because I was ‘allowing’ myself whatever I wanted I’d eat it all in vast quantities so that I wouldn’t miss it when I’d starve again. Only the binges would sometimes last weeks/months and then I’d be heavier still.

Now I’m back in hospital the food intake has lessened a little bit and I’m trying so hard not to let it because I don’t want to be in here for months but it’s so hard. At home I do most of the meal prep/cooking these days as my partner is in ill health. It’s just not something I particularly enjoy. Especially as I don’t want to eat it’s like why bother?

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