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Old 26-07-2017, 07:37 PM   #86
The Shadow of the Day
one_step_closer's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

I really, really worry about people judging me negatively and I fear she may have poisoned people against me, and people already have negative and wrong views about me just because I have BPD. I can't take back whatever she has said to the extended hours team, they will be likely to take her opinion over mine. I'm sick of trying to live through all of this pain though so maybe it's better I don't end up in hospital. A short admission probably won't be useful anyway. I spoke to my brother a little, didn't tell him how I'm feeling but said that a planned admission may be on the cards, he was worried that I won't be admitted and something bad will happen to me and the police will phone him (he has been phoned by the police twice when I have been unsafe or missing from hospital). I don't want to put him through this, I can't keep living this way so I need to die.

I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

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