I get what you mean
I suppose the thing is if you have never felt 'secure' your going to have a huge problem formulating your personality etc.
One thing I've heard is that people with personality disorders are like toddlers in the way that they really struggle to meet there own emotional needs. So if a baby cries because they are startled for example they should be picked up and cuddled which will soothe them. That baby will grow up into an adult who can self soothe. If an adult doesn't have that ability to self soothe then they find ways to deal with strong emotions and that wont be healthy
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