Ummm Okay.
I had a regular childhood. I was a bit of an introvert, but I had a normal amount of friends and did normal stuff. Then in Fith grade was tough. I didn't have any friends in my class and I was labeled weird. My grades went down, and I didn't like the idea of going to the middle school for 6th grade. I was accepted to a private middle school for 6-8th grade, and the summer between 5th and 6th grade, I started cutting.
I went to the private middle school and made lots of friends. I never felt alone, but in the back of my mind I knew it was going to end eventually. I had made a promise to a friend that we'd be in highschool together, and I am a person of my word. I was increasingly depressed throughout middle school, and continued cutting for almost 4 years.
In 8th grade, I got to know a boy called Fyvie (though his first name was Andrew), who although we'd been friends, we didn't really get close until then. He asked me out and I accepted. He learned of my cutting and wanted me to stop, but I couldn't. He was my first love, and he made me feel like everything was going to be okay when I was with him.
We dated for almost 5 months, and the day before our 5 month mark, on March 28th,2008 at 6:46 pm, he decided it was better for both of us if we weren't together. I was completely heartbroken. He was my reason. And after we'd broken up, I felt like I had no reason to go on. A few weeks after, and having to see him everyday (As if it wasn't painful enough, the school was so small there was only 1 eighth grade class so we had to deal with eachother day after day) I began to realize that he was ultimately what I lost, and that I didn't want to lose everything. His breaking up with me was a turning point. It really made me realize that I did have alot to lose.
It took me until May 8th, 2008, when I cut myself and my mom found out, and I landed in the hospital. I convinced the staff that I wasn't suicidal, mostly for my mother's benefit, and was discharged and told to get a therapist. Since then, I havn't cut.
I stopped going to see my therapist after 9th grade though I was diagnosed with AdHd. I am now going to be a junior in highschool (11th grade, 12th year), and I still deal with depression and often have to fight off urges.
The "Happy Ending" of my little story so far, is that my first love, Fyvie, and I are still very close. Best friends, in fact. We talk every week, and he's always there for me. Although I now have a new boyfriend, I'll probably always love Fyvie. He saved my life, and I could never begin to repay him. But I'm glad he's still a huge part of my life, and I hope he will always be.
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