Is this reaction normal?
 

Sometimes I find myself wondering whether I'm sympathizing with my ex boyfriend who did some nasty things to me. Since then, a lot has happened to trigger me badly again. I just wanted to know....has anyone else ever felt like they were understanding where their attacker/abuser was coming from? Even believing everything they said and still do to some extent?

I wonder if there's a certain amount of the Stockholm Syndrome here (whereby victims of kidanap empathise with their kidnapper)

Maybey this is your body and brains way of coping with things, but i would also say, never, never accept that what has happened to you is acceptable, because under no circumstances was this acceptable!

How u feeling right now?

I feel very vulnerable, very confused....I'm almost reasoning with him in my head, almost believing what he said that it was my fault and he couldn't help it. Maybe he couldn't? Have I brought it all on myself?

There's no way in hell that it was you're fault! He was the one that was on the power trip, he was the one that abused you!

None of this is your fault, as for him saying he couldn't help it , what a load of garbage, we all make choices, and that was his!

Never ever, ever is it the fault of the person that has been abused! You have absolutely nothing to reproach yourself for!!!! xx

I can understand to some extent. I have found myself asking 'What caused this person to act in such a way, what must have happened to them to turn to such awful actions'. However as I get older and hopefully a little wiser I cannot reason with such behavior.
I myself have been the victim of some awful stuff and yet I have not taken my pain out on another less fortunate than myself. So it does come down to choice. And you are never responsible for another persons actions, that is their choice, their life and they must reap the consequences.

:thumbup: Exactly

Thanks for all your help with this, it means a lot. I'm just confused as to why I don't hate him. I should hate him, shouldn't I? But I think I still care about him...I'm really scared :notsure:

I can kind of understand... I know my abuser was abused himself (in a different way but still) in fact while he was abusing me he was being abused by his father... So I've always sort of felt sorry for him and sympathized.
not sure if it's normal or not... but I guess it is natural for us to try to understand why what happened happened and why they did what they did.

But it was not your fault, no matter what the reason or what happened to him to cause it, it was not your fault you never asked for it to happen and you didn't cause it in any way

I can relate.
I didn't want to sympathize, but I've had people shoving excuses for him down my neck since I was young.
...So I understood him better, and why he did it...But it still doesn't make what he did right. It just means that I know why he did it.
And what your ex-boyfriend did wasn't right either. Just because you're starting to sympathize, doesn't make it any less wrong.
Hope you feel better.
x

I know what you mean. I make excuses for my boyfriend a lot of the time because he's bipolar and grew up around alcoholics and abusers, but it's still no excuse for him to act the way he does. Like Angelwings said, they make the choice for themselves whether or not they want to make somebody else hurt like they've been hurt. And if they know how that feels, why would someone who supposedly loves you want to make you feel like that?

Thanks for all the replies, I'm starting to think maybe I am just trying to find a "reason" why he did what he did...it's a comfort to know it's not just me that has reacted this way *hugs all* xx