Do you want to get better? (Triggering)
 

I'm at the point where I'm not ready to get better. Somedays I think yeah I want to get help and get better. But other days I don't want to. I feel guilty about thinking this way. It interferes with my relationship with my fiancé. And my life in general. I don't go out with friends because they manly want to go somewhere and it. I know I'm being selfish. Does anyone else feel this way?:crying:

of course .... But you have to remember what's important :-) ...

your fiance should be the drive behind you wanting to conquer your eating habit .. We all fight with our emotions you just have to try be single minded and tell yourself getting better is the healthiest thing to do :-) xx

i'm the exact same, one minute I want to get rid of my eating disorder next thing I don't, it's so confusing and draining to always be stuck at a cross road. Realistically ed = no life, no ed = living life. An eating disorder will not bring happiness or health into your life nor will it let you experience what life has to offer, you are worth so much more than this horrible illness.

wishing you all the best

<3

Thank you:) I really appreciate what y'all have to say. I have just have had a bad 6 months. I lost my mom and my Ed has gotten worse.

we can totally understand that - for me it's a lot of things (mainly family stress) a lot has gone on within my family - very bad things and its not nice being called names by your mams bf ! (he called me butch when i was younger which has always stayed with me) .... being told hurtful things by those closest around you that you are supposed to trust is soul destroying ... since i've put on weight though - even though i HATE it ... i actually feel more confident and happier ... i eat more so i have more energy i dont pass out.. i can dance all night long if i want to and im not moody... i have the energy to play fight with my fiance and he loves all my curves (not fat ... muscle :-) ... ) .. and i happen to like my womanly shape ... i don't like having a non existent bum and now when i look in the mirror ... i have a firm SLIM figure... im not skinny .. and i look better this way ....

This has taken me almost 3 years to get to .... i still have eating habits which im trying to conquer ... but still take it day by day :-) ....

speaking from experience .. gaining weight when youre skinny is not actually that bad :-) .. it's actually an exhilirating feeling because of how alive it makes your body feel :-) xx