Dating someone who Self harms and or has scars.
 

the self harm and scars don't define the person, their personality and stuff inside helps toward that

Mmm...That is very true!

me and my husband met on a self injury forum if it wasn't for the self injuring i wouldn't have met him

That's pretty cool! So you could say something good come out of SHing?

Edit - I AM NOT SAYING SH IS A GOOD THING!

Well you know my story on this on mike :P
And there are many others like it, I know of several couples who wouldn't exist as a couple were it not for SH and by extension RYL

Hahah yeah, I know quite a few stories on this site, including yours :P

It's just something that's been on my mind for a good few days so thought I would make a thread haha.

Yeah I would have no problem with it. I've dated self harmers in the past and my current girlfriend self harms. It's got to the point where I don't really notice anymore, I see past it, doesn't define the person and I don't judge (would be rather hypocritical of me to judge)

Well....scars dont bother me and dating someone who has self harmed in the past doesn't bother me either.However I would not date someone who was actively self harming.

I don't have a problem dating someone who has self-harmed in the past, but like griddlebone said, I wouldn't date someone who was actively self-harming.

Interesting question. The fact that they had scars would definitely not stop me from dating them. But if they still were harming...it depends. This is just me speaking personally here, not judging anyone else at all. But personally, i don't think I could offer the amount of support someone in the early stages of recovery needs. I still need suppourt myself. And I don't think it would be fair on eithre myself or the other person.

Does that make sense?

I totally understand everyone answers..

It makes totally sense, it can't be easy for the other person to date someone that is still SHing.

I've actually thought about this myself, and something I've thought about

Hypothetically, you're in this relationship, and they accept the fact, or acknowledge it at least without leaving, the fact that you self injure. You carry on doing it, that person is possibly gonna convince themselves they can 'save' you. But, they can't, cos it doesn't really work like that does it. So, they try to save you, fail, blame themselves.

Or, every time you self injure, they blame themselves for not stopping you. Or they think they're not a good enough motivation for you to stop, therefore not a good enough girlfriend/boyfriend.

Or they might think they're ok with it, but then when it comes to actually seeing scars, or fresh injuries, they find it weird. They don't like seeing it public, and they discourage it. Or when you're having sex, they might not want to see that, so its always a giant elephant in the room neither of you acknowledge till its too late to save the relationship.

Just some food for thought.

Wouldnt bother me, id be pretty matter of fact about it

Strangely, I think I would prefer to be with someone who self-harmed/had scars - purely because I would know that they understand/wouldn't judge.

Although I've had a relationship with a self-harmer who accepted my doing it & a 'non-self-harmer' who didn't accept it ... & when it wasn't accepted, I managed not to do it most of the time. So not sure how good it was for me to be with someone who did it ... maybe I need an ex one & we encourage each other not to do it!

Also, I fear massively that people will be put off by my scars :(

Is that what you're worried about Mikhail?

I have dated someone who self harmed, them having self harm scars didn't really put me off, or worry me, or give me any cause for concern when entering into a relationship with them.

I've never not been accepted because of my scars, but that might be because I've always made sure the other person was okay with it/didn't have any major problems with it before entering into the relationship.

Every girl I have dated or had sex with except for 1 "self harmed". Mine were worse. If I had a choice unless it was pure sex & sh I would opt out for a non self harmer.

I would date an self harmer. Including someone from here. Hopefully they will know what it's like to SI and hopefully not judge/make me give up.

The only thing is that because I would see someone's scars that it would make me competitive which is no good, especially if they had to go frequently to the hospital to get stitched (I have never had stitches).

I would date someone who has/is self harming.