RYL Forums - Here Again

I haven't been here for several years. It was a very dark and lonely time in my life and now I'm here again searching for some peace. I met my husband here early 2004. His user name was camdawg. We both struggled with emotional issues, but together we were able to work through them. Every year seemed to get better for us. I finally felt like we were established in life and I was looking forward to my 30's with Cam. Cam had a lot of hobbies and interests, and I encouraged all of them when financially able. He had wanted a motorcycle for some time and this year we finally reached a point in our lives where he could afford one. I think he had about every thing he wanted and he remarked multiple times how content he was with the lives we had made for ourselves.

Cam was really late coming home, which was so unlike him, and I got the call from the ER that he had been involved in a motorcycle accident. I had asked him to run an errand before coming home which led him to take his favorite country route home. Someone who just wasn't paying attention ran a stop sign and Cam emergency braked but couldn't stop in time and hit the other vehicle. He wasn't thrown from bike, instead the bike went with him, and I think it probably crushed him. He was wearing his helmet, jacket and gloves but he was none responsive at the scene and declared dead two hours later due to blunt force trauma.

I keep asking myself, how could this have happened to me? How could the one person in the world who loved and adored me be dead? He was such a cautious rider. Even in the hottest part of summer he wore his helmet, because he said he would rather sweat than bleed. Cam was the world to me and now he's dead and I feel like I am dying inside. Cam and I would have been married for 5 years in October. I feel like my life was a sheet of paper and someone just ripped it in half. I am so lost and broken without Cam. I don't know how I'm going to go on without him.