So tempting....
 

It's been so long and I thought I was finally to the point where I could call myself recovered. But lately, my chest hurts like someone's stabbed my heart. Even when I'm surrounded by friends and having fun, I just feel sad and want to cry. And the urge to take my tools out again has been so overwhelming. I'm finally at university so there's no fear of parents finding out if I start again. Which makes it so much more tempting. I don't even know what's causing it. Or maybe I do and don't want to admit it? I don't know.

I know this is rambling. But I just feel like I need to tell someone. My roommate would be furious. And my new college friends don't know that I used to SI; only one does but I'm afraid of talking to people I don't know well about it. I need to go home and visit my friend and talk to her....

Sorry it ended abruptly, but they wanted to go to dinner and kept trying to read the screen so I just submitted the post and closed the screen. I just.... don't know what to do. It's been so freaking long and I just told one of them that I used to. It's the one thing that I feel like I've accomplished lately. And now if I fail... then what will I have? My chest hurts so much. Ugh. I can't deal right now. I just can't.

i'd bet theres a guidance counselor at your school who you could talk to and who could help direct you so that you get some professional support. if you're lucky there may even be some sort of group thing there or she could help you find people who might understand better.

can you call your friend? or skype her? that way you could actually sorta see each other.

I talk to her on Skype all the time. Just IMing usually. And loads of texting. But I'm trying to help her through stuff right now and don't feel right burdening her. I might go to the health center and see if there's someone there to talk to. More than anything, I want to escape to her house with her family gone so it will be the two of us and all her dogs and we can cry or sing or just sit there stupidly or whatever.The problem is that I really don't know what's sparked it all unless it's just stress from being at college and truly away for the first time.