Iv had enough of it all
 

I'm writing this sitting on my bed with 200+ pills in front of me, i want to take all these pills and curl up under the covers and just fall asleep and never awake. I suffer with a mental illness called psychosis which is like schizophrenia in fact my doctor now thinks that that's what i actually have. I am on a very high dose of anti psychotic medicine but this doesn't stop the hallucinations and the voices that i hear. I hear 4 voices 2 male one female and one that says he is god, all they do is isult me, scream at me, abuse me, make me self harm and tell me ways to kill myself they tell me im worthless and that i deserve to die. I used to think this wasent true but now i see that my voices are right and that i don't deserve to live. I am at a loss as to what to do please someone help me.
Gayle

Hi Gayle.
I don't have much in the way of advice as I'm not in a great place right now myself... Also what I do have to say you may not understand as I may jumble it but you deserve a reply and please tell me if I need to clarify anything I say and I will certainly try.
Having read your post I think 1- you should talk to your doctor about still hearing the voices and having hallucinations and being suicidal. A change in meds may help, some work great for one person and not work well at all for another and this may not be the one for you if it isn't helping.
2-You do deserve to live. Being ill doesn't mean you don't deserve to live. Would you say someone with lupus doesn't deserve to live? Of course not, being ill is being ill whether it's physical or mental.
Please stay safe.

hi. i used to hear voices and stuff too he told me similar stuff to yours. i'm sorry your meds aren't helping much. do you know what changed to make you agree with the voices? i don't think they're right, and ODing isn't a good idea. do you have any professionals you can call when you're feeling like this, that might help. it might feel like you have to do what the voices say, but you don't if you choose not to. just it might be really hard not to. does anything trigger the voices or are they there all the time?