<3
 

Bleurgh.

I feel ****.
Worthless.
Useless.
Fat.
Unwanted.
Unloved.
&& just generally pretty horrible tbh..
I wish I never made it out of that hospital three months ago.
I wanna cut.
I wanna do it so bad.
But the feeling I get when my partner runs his hands over my legs and says 'their new them ones' is horrible.
It makes me feel so much better when I do though.
But when I'm lying in bed with the boyfriend or wearing shorts (which i rarely do now) I feel so unsexy and horrible.
&& it's so easy when you tell someone how you feel and they say 'just think positive' to say you will. when you know you damn well won't.

F**k sakes.
I slipped up last night :/
&& I woke up this morning feeling amazing.
I hate my condition.

i always feel like this,
you are not alone<3

You're not pathetic
or worthless
or
fat
or
ugly.
YOu are perfect how you are, and i bet your boyf and your brother wouldnt change you for the world.

I'm sorry you had a slip up hunni, but it's okay it will happen.
Do you have any distractions you could try?
I'm here if you need anything. x

Is your boyfriend supportive at all? Could you talk to him when you feel triggered, or let him help you?
How are you feeling now? *hugs*

I'm sorry that your struggling and im sorry you slipped up. Do you know what it is thats making you feel this way? Do you have any support? Have you tried to talk to your boyfriend about how you feel? Have you tried distracting yourself? Have you looked at the big distractions page? Why do you wish you hadnt made it out of hospital? Dont give up. Slipping up is all part of recovery, but it does not mean that you have failed. Dont beat yourself up. Keep talking to us. Keep safe.

Take care best wishes Ian

Hiya guys sorry about the delay in posting back, been a bit busy tbh.
Yeah I'm waiting on a counselling service called YPAS... I'm still on the waiting list.
My boyfriend is brilliant, he gets a bit angry at first, but he doesn't shout or anything, he checks to see how deep they are, asks if i've cleaned them and stuff.
I try distractions but sometimes that release is the most amazing feeling ever, the boyfriends suggested holding icecubes and twanging elastic bands on my wrists and stuff like that to help.

Titch

you have a understanding bf mines the same and yh try hes suggestion see if they work?
/*hugs*

I'm gonna :]
He's been through this when he was my age, so he knows how I feel.

Titch