A Newcomer's Venting...
 

I'm so confused. This doesn't make sense to me. How can I be anorexic? Shouldn't I be skinny if I'm anorexic?

I hate that no one else understands me. I grab a handful of flab at the same time my husband tells me I'm beautiful but too skinny. I feel like I'm eating enough, but it's not enough to give me enough energy to get me through a day of work. {X} jeans and {X} shirts hang off me, but underneath they're hiding so much fat.

Everyone I know is forcing me to eat and monitoring how much I exercise. Why can't they all just leave me alone?!

I won't be happy until I've lost another {X} pounds. That's all it will take but everyone is getting in my way with advice, and guidance, and temptations.

I hate my body. I hate myself when I eat. I hate what this stupid disease is doing to everyone around me.

Just {X} pounds. Just {X} more and I'll be happy. Why doesn't anyone want me to be happy?

Heya, I can understand where your coming from, however do you really believe that once you've lost those lbs you'll be happy? Chances are that you wont and that youl want to lose even more. Ed's screw up your own self perception so in fact, you can never see how thin you really are. How i try and deal with it is to look at the facts, not my own judgements becasue i simple cannot trust them. For example, if you were to think of your best friend - they wore that size clothes and they hung off her, simply thinking that that size could 'hang off' someone would make you think she's far too thin without even seeing her. I know its not that simple and im not meaning to oversimplify it all, but if you could try and think of things that way, it may make it a little easier to understand where your husband etc, are coming from
xx

I try doing that. And sometimes it works really well. But other times I just feel like everyone else is lying to me and that the meaningless numbers and facts about my body are overshadowed by my tangible fat. Trying to get better is like taking 2 steps forward and 100 steps back. I put on some weight when I started eating more and freaked out. I went back to starvation full force and again hurt everyone around me. I just can't win.

I don't really know how to help because I'm right there with you. My boyfriend always told me I was too skinny and I just NEVER saw it. You're not alone...and these people who are telling you these things really do want you to be happy. The only reason they are saying anything is because they care. All you can do is fight meal by meal to ignore what you think about yourself because it just isn't true. Just take one bite at a time.. (wow that sounds totally cheesy...) I don't know what else to say...I just wanted to tell you that I understand I guess. =)

I can sort of relate. Nobody knows I have a problem except my boyfriend, but everybody else around me ALWAYS comments on how skinny I am. It bothers me because I don't think I'm as skinny as they say I am, and it gets annoying... I just nod and shrug. I don't know what else to say... just that I relate a little.

Thanks you guys. It's comforting to know that other people understand how I feel. I think that's what gets to me the most; that I can't express myself in a way people will comprehend what I'm saying.

I've tried professional help. My husband took me to talk to a therapist, but it was so hard being honest with someone I didn't know and I mostly just sat there and cried. We're going to try again when I feel ready, not when he thinks it's important.

It's easy to think about this all rationally when I'm not faced with a meal. At one in the morning I have no problem saying that I'll eat a good breakfast in the morning. But then morning comes, and my postive attitude leaves.

I'm not giving up though.