*hugs everyone* How are you doing now Jeremy?

I feel crappy. I had a complete ****ing melt down at work today. I snapped at my manager, like my line manager's manager and then burst into tears in front of a customer and got taken upstairs by Wendy (my line manager who's lovely and I talk to a lot as have known her for 3+ years) who sat me down and called her manager in. They sat with me whilst I cried for about 45 minutes and wouldn't let me leave the room until I calmed down. I just wanted to go cut. She said if I don't agree to seeing a counsellor through work during the summer then they won't allow me to work there during the holidays anymore :(. It was so embarrassing! Oh and turns out my managers manager organizes groups for people with addictions and all the managers know about my self harm because Wendy felt it appropriate to tell them when they discussed why I was wearing long sleeves. Now they all think I am a ****ing nut case. Great. Excuse me whilst I go hide under my duvet for the next 20 years.

stop shouting! I need quiet, lots of quiet, to be alone, peaceful and quiet. I want to go there today. I need to go to this place, not alone cos might not come back but I need to go just to see. But if he knows why, why I need to go there before I go back to uni he will know i faked it and everything is not ok. Will lose his friendship. Cant lose his friendship but cant not do this. Stop shouting, making me edgy, stop. Its just writing.

I am going out. Need to go to this place. Two hours drive each way but not too important. Will buy pro plus and lots of coffee. Too tired but need this place. Need to know if I could, need to know how it feels to be *that* close. Too much of a temptation.

*continues hugging Helen*
Goodness Helen are you trying to make me cry in the middle of the uni computer lab lol 'cause that reminder almost made me lose it.

*hugs Emma, Jeremy, Cloe, Callie, Carole, and anyone I've missed *very sorry about that**

Jeremy, you doing better? You've been sleeping a lot lately hun.

Emma, please be careful hun... I don't have anything more for you than that but... Please :crying:

Carole, I wish I had something for you but I don't... I am so very sorry you're having such a time of it with your mom *snuggles*

*retreats to her corner and sobs*

G*d if only I could cry like that in real life and not just on the net:crying:
I am not doing well at all... I feel awful, absolutly awful. And it's not even really about the cat thing any more (which I believe will turn out better than I had thought origionally). Last night one of my supervisors again hounded me about my cutting (an wearing some fingerless gloves right now as I have 40 still healing *minor* cuts from when I learned my cat had been discovered). She does this often. And I know it's because she's worried... but it doesn't help. Confessed about it (kind of) on another site...

Here it is: "For heaven sake, please, JUST STOP!!! Don't you know it makes things WORSE?! Don't fuss, don't care, don't bother! Don't worry about me, don't try and take care of me or figure me out! I cut, yes. I've ODd several times (not that you know that). I've wished to die, seen myself slitting my wrists. I know how many pills I need and the best way to do it. So you have every reason TO worry. But don't. If it happens it happens. There will be no stopping it. It will be a well thought out decision. But you won't be able to stop it. And fussing over me, coddeling me... It just makes things worse. So please, stop. You just push me closer..."


*continues to cry in her corner*
I just want it all to stop:crying:

Sorry about the long post :-(

And I can't f**king find any place online to get better tools!! Damn search engine filters:crying:

...this one's probably gonna get deleted huh..?

*sigh*
*wanders in and throws herself on the floor. Doesn't move*

Can't wait till after work tonight... Gonna drink myself blind

*sobs in her corner*
No one here no one here no one here no one here no one here
*rocks a bit*
All alone all alone all alone all alone all alone all alone
:crying:
Five hours, five hours till I can get drunk:crying: a long time... And it's not going to be enough... All I really want to do is die

Allaloneallalonleallaloneallaloneallaloneallalonen ooneherenooneherenooneherenooneherenoonehere

*Hugs Alyssa*
You're not alone, were here to support you. You're a great friend and we care about you.
I'm sorry your Supervisor is hounding you, it doesn't help I know.
Come and join us in the denial tent. There coffee, cakes and anything else you fancy on offer.
*Stokes Fire*
Liz

Emma, where are you? Where did you need to go hun? Did it help? Are you ok?

Ally it's great that the cat situation will turn out better than you thought. :) Yes, you cut. Yes, you OD. It's ok to admit it and it's ok to be struggling. We are all struggling here, we all know how you feel *hugs*

Alexx, how are you?

Hi Liz, haven't seen you around for a while, hows things? *comes and sits next to you and has some carrot cake with lots of cream cheese icing*

My friend was supposed to come and visit me yesterday, but she didn't. She says she's trying to get wednesday off work so she can come. I don't know if she will tho. I wouldn't either - it's 6 hours each way on the bus :s

A whole week all alone, no lectures or anything to make me move from this room.

**** I am so sad and pathetic. I have no friends.

why shouldn't i cut?
like, seriously. why?

because you don't really want to
because you, Chloe, are too awesome to have to hurt yourself
because nothing good comes of it. at all.
because it will leave you with one more scar to hide
because you have been fighting too long to give in now

because you dont have to

be safe, Denial Tent Giver

*gives you a red balloon*

*throws hugs at everybody*

I can't even drink all that I want :pinch: about 5 beers and I'm about to be sick... Gonna have to let it sit a bit I guess before I start again

Hi Callie, I see you *hugs*

Cloe, I want to cut too hun... Guess we've got to be stronger than that...

I'm in the denial tent, I'm in the denial tent, I'm in the denial tent, I'm in the denial tent, I'm in the denial tent

And I'm drunk. And I want to cut...

thank you callie :hehe:

but,
i do want to
i'm not awesome, i'm a loser
i've been fighting for so long, so why can i never escape it
sometimes i really don't care about my scars. i already have more to hide next time i go home.

but thank you for my balloon :-) i'll tie it to my wrist so it doesn't float away.
it's dark and raining here. and cold.

yup ally you can be stronger than that. you don't have to cut. please don't drink too much hun. for one thing think of the money you'll save :p

i however am a ****ed up waste of space and i dont have the strength to do this anymore. everything is too hard.

ileana, can you get away for a break somewhere? even if not permanently just a bit of a holiday somewhere else?
in the meantime you can camp in here in the tent with us :)

I was in the bath... And I almost did it:crying: I almost slit my wrists:crying: I got so far ad to try and get the blade out of my razor:crying: good lord, what am I gonna do?

Cloe, Cloe, I love you dear and you are not a waste of space luv. So many people love you, think of all of us here hun, we all know how wonderful you are.

As for me, I've already got the booze so the money is already spent. And... I almost slit my wrists:crying: I am SUCH a f**k up:crying:

Awww, thank you. I do want to hide in the tent for a while.

Oh. My. God. I'm all alone. I'm all alone... And all I can think about is slitting my wrists:crying:

no, ally, you can't. you musn't. hide your razor! is there anywhere you can go, right not, so you're not alone? anyone you can go and talk to until this passes? i don't know what time it is where you are...

I can't:crying: if I call the crisis hot line I'll wind up in hospital... G*d damn:crying:

but that's ok, you will be safer than all alone. please call them

I'm sorry... I'm not all alone... I ment here... My room mates here... But I won't tell her... I'm sorry... I won't.

it's ok, i don't blame you for that. can you do something with her to keep you safe? watch a movie?

It's ok Cloe... I'm too much of a coward... It's not that deep...
I'm sorry I've worried you *hugs*

*hugs*
be good for me :)

:-) yes ma'am.
I'm butterflyed and bandaged up and my cats staring at me... Now... If only I could cry:crying:

I don't see you any more but... Thanks Cloe. Pretty sure the bleeding has stopped. Going to sleep now. Again, I'm sorry. But thanks. A lot.

*curls up in the denial tent for a snooze*

night night ally.
glad you're bandaged up. i left cos i had to go and have dinner and be social for a hr.
you dont have to thank me xx

*hugs all tho r in the psych ward*

Sorry, been sleeping alot - not good for my health but oh well, i'll manage somehow...otherwise i'm okies :-) well i think i am anyway

How is every1 else? Looking after urself ppl? I'm here if u need me any1 :)

xxx

i need u jeremy :(
i need help, i think. i can't wait until tuesday when i can go collapse on my therapist's couch and make it all better.
i just have to survive until tuesday.
i don't know.

*hugs chloe*

Hang in there..u'll survive...keep urself busy and occupied if u can

Tuesday isn't too far :-) just take things day by day

xxxx

emma? are you around?

*opens the door shyly and sits on the nearest seat*

Hello there :) *waves*

How are you Roby?

*offers drinks and other goodies round*

*takes a cup of hot tea*

This is my very first visit to this ward *looks at the pages*

Guys your not that talkative in easther queendom room the pages got more than 800 !

So hows everyone , hows you Carole ?

Is (forever lost) ok ?

I was taking a look at the previous page ...*hugs*

Welcome to the Virtual Psych Ward and the Denial Tent :)

*looks puzzled*
Whats easther queendom room?

I'm feeling a bit shaky in myself - plagued by nasty thoughts and feelings >.<
How are you doing?

*feels stupid*

Gosh this ain't a thread to have fun it's the support forum *feels even more stupid and hides behind a pillow*

Uh the esther queendom is like a chat room on the ED forum , to chill out and have chit chat .

>I"m doing fine ...

I'm not sure how she is.
*hugs Ally* Hope you are safe sweetie.

(sorry - didn't look at last couple of pages :pinch:)

*hugs* Lol it's ok. You don't have to feel stupid. You've stumbled across us and can come in whenever you need support or want to give some :)

:) Thanks Carole ...

*prays for Ally*

*Goes to study in the near room*

*feels triggered and runs repeatedly into a padded wall, falling back on to some cushions*

*takes another cup of tea then goes back to the room to study*

*hugs Carole and Roby*

Thanks guys, for the hugs, Roby, for the prayers. I'm alright as far as my wrist goes. And as long as I don't look at it I don't want to 'finish':crying: Stupid thing is... I'm feeling pretty much 'as usual', like nothing happened... Like I couldn't have watched myself bleed out just hours ago... I'm not sure I'll tell my counselor...

Anyway

Welcome Roby, to the Virtual Psych Ward, home of the Denial Tent. We do chat here sometimes but for the most part you're right, we're a support spot. No need to feel stupid *hugs*

How's everyone? Carole, feeling any better hun?