Franz, I could take a nap but I need to be heading to uni shortly as I've classes today & that would mess me up bigtime. So tired though... hope I don't fall asleep IN class!! :-X That would be bad. Oh, & read your r/v thread... definitely a scary dream!!! *snuggles next to with a fleece blanket*

Helen, glad things are looking up... but what's getting worse about it all? *cuddles*

Don't want to go to uni!!! *resists the urge to have a temper tantrum* Heh... really don't want to go I guess. :( Wish I enjoyed it, but I don't. Not at all.

But I am having coffee out with a friend today... so that ought to be something I look forward to, right? :-/

Just wrote in my r/v thread... :-X

*hides in the darkest corner & takes a catnap*

Well the situation that's really upset me past couple of days is much better :) Another situation or two is getting worse. I didn't make that clear, sorry :(

It's okay, Hels. *holds you gently* Care to talk about it, through PM or posting or whatever?

I'm at uni now... gggurgh. I parked in my favorite parking lot but a lot further away from where my classes are than I prefer. Then just as I was walking down the lot towards the buildings, a car pulled out of a space that I would've loved to have. Perfect, lol. I didn't have a chance to nab it either so I have an extra-long walk tonight. Oh well... *sigh*

Am so hungry but don't think it's real hunger. I think it's me wanting to binge. Stupid brain.

*sigh*

At least I am going out to have coffee with Cara... we can have a nice chat & something warm to drink, although I promised my husband I'd get summat inexpensive as we are low on funds. Grrrr. Oh well, white hot choc doesn't cost too much.

*hides*

*hugs franz* nightmares are awful. Hope you are feeling better.

*hugs helen* glad that things are looking up. Its okay that u dont explain much.

*hugs april* have fun having coffee with your friend. Sorry that your so tired and hate uni. I hate uni too sometimes... Especially on tuesdays.. like today. I wish i had a snow day.. everywhere around me is closed but my university doesnt close for anything.

I really do feel like i should be stronger than i feel right now. I am freaking out about everything.. not like loudly or anything.. just in my head. But still, its not like anything horribly tragic is happening.. its just a bunch of little things and i just idk. I dont want to hold on much longer. I want to feel different, better i guess/normal? whatever that is. I wish somebody could explain what normal feels like. I guess i cant understand it like other ppl can't understand what goes on in my head. Ranting sorry.. ill be quiet now.

Hi all.

I'm doing much better on the flu front today, got a bit more energy which is nice. Had a really long conversation with my boyfriend last night where he basically said that he understands he hasn't been supportive in the past and he's going to make an effort to try and understand where I'm coming from a bit more. I was really happy at first but now I kinda feel like I don't have to try so hard not to cut because he won't be so angry with me if I do... I'm such a bitch. He's doing everything he can to help me and I'm just turning around and being selfish. I still haven't cut which is good I suppose, but the urges are even stronger now. It makes no sense what so ever. I am so angry with myself.

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddling*
*hides in the corner*

*

I wish I hadn't tied my emotional life to the snow. Gah, so emotional right now. In high school and into college the weather was my "in" to meet new friends and stuff. I know thats weird... but thats what did it. Now my friends have abandoned me but still want my snow/weather forecasts. Thats all I am good for apparently nowadays, nothing else. Just so lost right now. Aimless drifting. Sigh.

I am going to sit in the corner so I can try to hide from everything and everyone cause they don't seem to care

in answer to all (as i'm not up for writing individually or answering longly...) too much. not too much of any specific thing just too much in general. everything is so little but it all makes for something huge.

*cuddles Franz* nightmares are horrible, but remember it not real.

*cuddles April* Well done for getting some uni work done, sorry you still have a cold, hope it gets better soon, hope you have a good time having coffee with your friend.

*cuddles Laurastar* sorry your having a tough time at the moment, you dont need to be sorry for ranting, its good to get stuff off your chest sometimes.

*cuddles Ayla* glad your feeling better on the flu front, glad your bf is going to be more supportive and well done on not cutting, but I'm sorry there are stong urges there.

*cuddles Yoda bear* (sorry dont know your name) we care about you, sorry your going through a tough time at the moment.

*cuddles Crimson* sorry everything is getting too much

I'm not doing good, just been asleep most of the day, think its to do with my meds dosage being up'd. just feeling so depressed and crap.

Ugh, I am so tired... just want to sleep & sleep & sleep. :(

*cuddles LauraStar* I understand what you mean, kind of, not 100% 'cause I'm not you, but I've been there. A lot of small stressful things can build up into a huge big anxiety attack. It sucks horrifically but I'm sure that you can handle it... you are stronger than you know, beautiful. Please hang in there & keep going, despite the fact that it's so difficult at times. I also wish that someone could explain what "normal" feels like... because I can't remember ever feeling anything that qualifies as such. I've always been up & down (as long as I can remember, anyway), and in the past 7 or so years, have been mostly dysthymic. :( But, enough about me... how are you feeling now?

*cuddles Ayla* I understand, also, what you mean when you say that now that your boyfriend says he will try to be more understanding of how you feel, you want to cut more because he won't yell at you. That's how it got with my husband at one point - he practically gave up trying to stop me from cutting. I'll admit it, I was "excited" at first but then realized how much I hurt him every time I cut. So I stopped cutting as best as I can - still get the stubborn urges every month or so, so I still have fresh scars, but it's gotten a lot better. :) Anyway, sorry, ramble!! Glad you're feeling better from the flu too; that's good.

*cuddles Yoda if that's okay?* I don't know you & I don't know your situation (very well anyway) but I care about you. People on this site care about you... I'm sure that people IRL care about you, even if you don't realize it.

*cuddles Crimson* I have had too much too... it's like... come on, lighten up, please... there's too much in my head, in my life. I hate it. Wish that I could just quit life. Ah well. Mustn't do that. :-/ Hope you (and I, and all of us!!) feel better soon...

*cuddles Oliver* What med's been upped? Hopefully it didn't get too much in the way of your uni work. :( I like sleep but it's frustrating when you don't get that sense of accomplishment of getting things done, I don't know. Maybe that's just me, heh. Sorry that you're so depressed & all... anything I can do?

*hides from the world*

*cuddles everyone* - Sorry for the lack of individual replies ... I'm just not having a good day and really not coping too well. I just feel like locking myself in my room ... well shutting the door and putting something heavy infront of it so it can't be opened from the outside because I can't actually lock my door.

My housemate suggested today that I write a book about my dealings with both sides of the MH system over the past 12 years. I asked him to read the post where I discussed my research in my thread and he commented that the writing style was impressive. He was suggesting naming names where required - like the tdoc I was given years ago through the public health system who never got to know the real me, continuously repeated using therapies that weren't working and at the finish lied about how long she had been seeing me for (she added an extra 18 months), or the current Director of Mental Health who continuously mis-diagnosed me (for BPD you must meet 5 of 9 criteria ... I meet 1 - according to the DSM IV).

I don't know how I feel about the idea ... He also was including the years I spent in the private system and how in the private system you are treated as a person, an individual with emotions/feelings/etc and in the public system you are a number : 384555 (that's my UR number).

*shrugs*

I think that's an awesome idea, Kahlia. :) Best of luck with getting awareness spread etc... someone needs to do it & hopefully having a goal set will help you with feeling like you're accomplishing something. What's UR stand for? might be a stupid question but atm I can't think of what it would be. *cuddles*

Am doing shitty... stomach is a little upset, I think from all of the fiber I've had recently but I can't help worrying that it's another stomach bug. Prayers/good wishes/etc. would be appreciated that I don't get sick immediately again after being ill with this cold (which is still hanging about :( sucky).

I have a TON of work to do tomorrow before classes start at half past noon... and I have to be on campus around 11:30... so I need - NEED - to do a lot of work tomorrow. I am struggling to keep up in senior sem with all of the busy work etc., and I don't know what to do about that. I can't ask for extensions as I don't really want "special treatment" due to being mentally ill (and physically ill, come to think of it)... I just need to manage my time better. Thing is, the time that I don't spend doing schoolwork is spent on WoW or reading or writing emails to friends, etc., and it's time that I need, in order to stay semi-sane. ARGH!!! So frustrating!!! :crying:

*retreats into the denial tent to hide from reality* :(

*cuddles Kahlia* good luck with all that you are doing on awareness spreading, its a really good thing to do.

*cuddles April* sending good wishes for your stomach feeling better soon and you don't get sick. It sucks having a lot of work to do, I know you said you don't want to ask for extentions, but if your're struggling its not a bad thing and doesn't show weekness, I get a week extension for my essay work at uni if I need it, it just takes the pressure off slightly. We all need time to do other things other than work, so don't be too annoyed that you have that time, its good that you do.

Its my anti-depressants that have been upped, when I first went on them I was getting similar side effects to what I am now, so it probs is just because I am now on a higher dosage, but yeah its annoying when I just end up sleeping all day. Theres nothing you can do, but thanks for the offer.
Was watching a programme earlier called I hate mum, about 2 families where they have a son who is verbally and physically violent to their mum, but they went to therapy and stuff and both showed signs of improvement, even though still a long way to go and one of them was talking more to his mum about like feelings and how he is doing and stuff. I just felt really upset because me and my mum don't really talk about anything like that, we talk about loads, like her job and random everyday things, but never about really important stuff and it really upsets me. I guess we're both to blame, I don't talk to her about my depression, anxiety, gender problems, she doesn't takl to me about her MS, but I wish we would.
sorry I've rambled on for far too long.

April - I believe UR stands for "universal record" - That's how we are referred to in the public system basically .... Thanks for the cuddles *hugs you back*

Oliver - I'm not sure if I've said hello before, so hi and welcome *waves*. *hugs you back*

On the book idea ... my housemate reckons that the Queensland Government will try and have it banned or destroyed - somehow removed from public viewing - which could be interesting...

I just think people need to be aware of what is actually going on - that the atrocities that occurred in psych history have not just disappeared ... that they just go on more quietly.

Kahlia~ If they ban it in Aussie could you publish through someone out of country? Raise awareness to the world instead of just your own area?
Just thinking outside the box...

*goes back to hiding in self inflicted solitude*

A_M: That's a definite possibility ...

*cuddles everyone*

*hugs everyone*
I am so hungover....well no. i think i'm still drunk. i broke my phone last night and i've just missed a lecture. shiiiiiiiiit

*cuddles everyone*

I feel like *****. I went to a place this morning called the Mental Illness Fellowship of North Queensland to put in an application form to join one of the programs that they run. I was told (in no uncertain terms) that I was to leave because of their procedures which required an interview. That was fine in itself and was also expected .... HOWEVER .... the staff member that was talking to me was tactless, rude and treated me like I was lower than the dirt under her feet. My housemate, who was a member and had encouraged me to become the same, has decided because of the way I was treated that he is no longer going to participate, and I've pretty much decided the same way.

The crisis team called me tonight and I asked them for twice weekly contact ... they've told me that I should be the one to initiate this so I should ring them on Friday or Saturday. Meh.

Good morning, everyone...

*cuddles Oliver* I know what you mean, my mum & I rarely talk about things that are really & truly important. I think it's because they - the important things, like life with a mood disorder/eating disorder/anxiety/etc., are too scary for her to really cope well with, even though she struggles with similar. Maybe the same for your mum? maybe her MS scares her to talk about, & maybe she cares about you so much that your troubles - which she can't solve - scare her too? Just a thought. *more cuddles* How're you doing this morning?

*cuddles LauraFriend* I wish I could help you, sweetie. You know you've got a problem with the drinking... it's up to you to quit drinking (as much, anyway)... and I'm sorry that you broke your phone & missed a lecture. *gentle hugs* Sorry if any of that sounded harsh. :-/ Didn't mean it to.

*cuddles Kahlia* I agree with Crimson (a_m) - maybe spread the awareness around the globe instead of just in Queensland, where a lot of people probably already know how shitty the care is. If you get the book written, send it to a publisher(s) outside Australia. :) How're you feeling this morning? (or night, rather) and I'm sorry how you got treated at that meeting... stupid people!! :(

*cuddles Crimson* How're you doing, love?

*cuddles everyone that she might've missed* How're you all doing? LauraStar, Helen, Franz, Ayla, anyone else that I missed? ♥

I just got up... early I know - 5:40am - but I wanted time to go on WoW then do schoolwork... urgh. It's snowing here & I'm desperately hoping that my night class is cancelled... *crosses fingers* Heh, I doubt it but it might be. Later, anyway, as my prof for that class has to drive quite a ways (okay, 15ish miles, not huge compared to some of the profs who drive ~75 miles - one way!!). It's not cancelled as of yet, I just checked... but if the snow keeps up today... it might be. Don't get me wrong, I like the class, it's just that it goes SO LATE!! (for me) 9pm... urgh... and then have to get a shower when I get home... and want to wind down a little before bed... so yeah. Yuck.

I has a snuggly kitty on my lap, so kitty snuggles are up for dibs!! :D He's drooling on me a little though, just so you know... lol. He's so much like a puppy... :P

Anyway. Sending cuddles to everyone... *sigh*

<3333

*hugs to everyone* Thanks for all of your support. :') Love love love....

Feeling better than yesterday. The screams and crying in my head have stopped. o.O

bleeeeeugh. i feel skank. urgh urgh urgh.

*hugs April* i know i know....but i only took out like...£4 last night. and i still managed to get ****ed because my friend owed me £6....urgh. i hate myself.

*goes to hide in the toilet*

The current suggestion with the book is to have it available on Amazon.com so pretty much anyone can read it ... and then if the government finds a way to ban it, to make it downloadable as a torrent.

*cuddles everyone then crawls into the denial tent so that life can bearable*

*wanders over to Laura and Khalia and gives gentle cuddles*



<33

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry for not writing personal messages, my head is all over the place today.
Just wanted to leave a message before I head to the library. Today is a bad day. I woke up at 9 and have only just managed to get myself out of bed, I'm feeling incredibly anxious about being on my own at the moment. I'm heading to the library today so I can sit in a quiet corner and try and make myself work without having to be on my own in my room. I just can't be alone with my thoughts anymore. I'm frightening myself. I'm so sick of this predictable cycle that I'm trapped in.

Gahhh... I am so frustrated with myself!! I have all of this work to do & no motivation at all to do it... and I have to go in to campus today & it's snowing, and my car only has 2WD... so I'm scared about the traction as I don't think the roads have been taken care of. They tend not to do that around here until it's stopped snowing & it's still snowing sooo... :(

I just want to hide & hide & never come out... :(

*cuddles Franz* How're you doing, love?

*cuddles Ayla* I'm sorry you're in such a bad place right now... what's making you feel so bad? any idea(s)? I wish I could help you more... I wish I could snap my fingers & make everything better for everyone... that would be awesome. Or hand out magic pills that would make everything better - heh. In any case... feel free to talk about it if you want to... we'll be glad to listen, I'm sure!! :)

*huggles LauraStar* How're you doing, sweetie? Missed you the first time 'round but caught you this time!! :D lol. :-/

*cuddles Kahlia* That sounds like a good idea. Do you feel excited about writing it?

*pulls LauraFriend out of the toilet & onto a comfy beanbag, cuddles & rocks* Things will be okay, love. I promise.

*more hugs & cuddles for everyone*

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry for going quiet at the moment. Today is probably going to be another quiet day, we shall see. I think I'm angry but holding it in.

*cuddles Helen* Try to get the anger out constructively if you can... I know it's difficult without turning it on yourself, but I think that you can do it. :) Is it the situation(s) with your friends that is causing you to be angry?

ARGH don't wanna do schoolwork!! *temper tantrum* lol... I'm pitiful I know, but I am so frustrated with my computer with not being able to open certain files because I need to enable cookies on my computer & I have no ****ing clue how to do that... stupid me. :( Computers are mysteries to me as far as how they work & how to operate them even, sometimes.

*hides in deep dark corner with a fleece blanket and stuffed dog*

can't handle replies right now.

ehhh

*failAtLife*

*holds Franz & rocks* No, you're not an fail at life. That's me!! :eek: Heh, just kidding... :) *gently strokes back* You'll be okay, sweetie. What's going on that's making you feel like a failure?

I'm BS'ing a journal/reflection for one of my classes now... it's going to be difficult to write, grrrrr. :(

And it's STILL snowing... blah. Am NOT looking forward to driving in it...

*sigh*

Well the anger started off as a angry question for my best friend. Then it's been directed back to my boyfriend, as it so rightfully should be. I can't wait to be free of him :/ We're having a huge argument, or were til he popped out. *rolls eyes*

& we're over.

Sorry for lack of individual replies at the moment.

*cuddles*

*hugs Helen* aww sorry hun :( *cuddles*

*hugs April* hope the snow stops soon. we keep having random bits of snow...weeeird. and you're not stoopid. computers are annoying. get a mac :) lol 's my solution to everything ever. :)

*hugs Franz* hiiii :) *waves*

*hugs Kahlia* the book sounds really good :) good luck!

i feel disgusting. i'm so hungover i just wanna go to bed but i really should do some work but i dunno what the point is really cos it'll just be crap. urgh. i hate myself. i'm such a ****ING IDIOT.
*bangs head against wall*

*hugs Ayla* hope the library was ok and u feel a bit better *cuddles*

hi.
quiet1 checking in. need support. will check up later today.
i asked for help at work.
my therapist suggested an intensive outpatient program.
i think i will do it.

sorry if this is not a good place for this post but i feel like i need someone to be in touch with.

*snuggles with giraffe*

*cuddles quiet1 (sorry can't remember your name!!)* This is a good place for you to post, to check in. :) I'm glad that you're getting the help that you need; that's EXTREMELY important for a full recovery from whatever you're struggling with. Hope it helps a lot... *more cuddles*

*cuddles LauraFriend* I'm sorry that you feel like crap... are you feeling any better now as it's a few hours later? ♥

I'm so tired... but guess what?! My uni is closing at noon!! :eek: :D which means I don't have senior sem, health psych lab, intro to soc, or Women & Spirituality!!!! My worst day made soo much easier. I'm going to finish up the work for senior sem though, so I have it in by 2:30 this afternoon, & then I'm going to RELAX and maybe read with some hot chocolate... or play WoW with some hot cider... or do more uni work, urgh. But still - I am soo happy about that!! lol. It makes my life so much easier, at least for today. >_<

Right now I'm reading about positive psychology. It's interesting... and pertinent to what we talk about here on RYL. I might make a post about it as so many of us here are psych majors/minors.

*cuddles all* ♥

*curls up and hides*
Trying to drag myself to the shower.

*cuddles April* that sounds good about uni being cancelled, wish my rehearsal was cancelled!! Relaxing sounds like a plan.

*cuddles mammamia* (sorry dont know your name)

I'm feeling less tired now, been doing weights and practice which have helped to wake me up a bit. Been talking to my sister and she got the highest mark in her class for her AS level chemistry coursework, 80%, really proud of her. She is coming to visit this weekend, I am in a massive dilema about whether to come out to her or not, both decisions have positives and negatives, meh its tough.

*cuddles all*
i;m not doing so well but my urge to harm the last couple of days has thrown me into renewed efforts to put together a tattoo design that i want to put on my wrist (the theory here being that i wouldn't want to **** up the tat and that parts of it will remind me why i shouldn't harm...) might post my tenative pic later (when i'm at my own comp not the one at the front desk). The words on it aren't the way i want them but since i'm using ms paint theres only so much you can do with them...
anyhow... right now i'm just trying to hold it together minute by minute... the va will get back to me on if/how i can use their mhs at some point by the end of business friday(its wednesday morning)... the waiting game feels like its going to kill me but there's only so much i can do atm...

omg I'm so jealous of all you that have cancelled things today... we had almost a foot of snow yesterday and class still went on. And they dont plow or salt or sand the streets here at all. It was awful.

*hugs everyone* sorry there have been a lot of posts and I don't want to reply and miss anyone. But i read them all and am thinking of all of u.

Didn't study yet for my test today. Couldnt concentrate last night. My bf came over to do laundry since he doesnt have washers and dryers in his building.. still wanted to talk to him but wound up talking about the air force instead... we always wind up talking about the air force since he joined... which is fine heh, but I really should prolly update him about whats going on with me. Part of me doesnt want to but i know that i should..

*cuddles Helen (MammaMia)* Trying to do things when you're depressed really is difficult... :( Hope you manage to get to the shower eventually as it will probably make you feel oh so much better!! :)

*cuddles Oliver* I wish that I could give you an answer to whether or not you should come out to your sister, but only you know the pros & cons. Is she older or younger than you are? Is 80% really good? because over here an 80% would be a B and only average. Of course, I don't understand the grading system over there, lol, so I am most likely very confused. >_< Haha. And yeh, it's soo nice to have a day off from uni... needed that break. Today's my especially bad day (going from 12:30-9pm) so yeah. :)

*cuddles Crimson* I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are. What is the tattoo design you're thinking of? I'd love to see a pic when you can put one up. :) Just be sure that you're not doing it because you want to feel the pain... but you know that already. :) I hope that the VA gets to you soon... waiting is so freaking difficult for almost everyone, I think, so you're not alone. Please try & take care of yourself. *more cuddles*

Played WoW for awhile, which was really nice... then talked to Jarrod, then called my mum (whilst on WoW... lol - I'm good at multitasking at times) just to check up. Now I'm planning on getting something hot to drink (maybe) or some oatmeal or something, and reading. :) I have this book (young adult fiction, but it's still relaxing to read!!) that I really want to finish before Saturday (it's due at the library then & I can't renew it again :o)... so I'll read that. And cuddle Daniel. :)

*snuggles everyone then totters off to make a warm drink*

Oh & Laura, we posted at the same time!! oops, lol. I agree with you, you should update your boyfriend about what's going on with you... communication, as I allllways say :P, is key to a good relationship. Be open with him... he loves you, and if he truly does, he'll care enough to hear about what's going on in your head. *holds you gently* I'm sorry that your uni didn't cancel, that sucks... especially with the rubbishy roads!!!

*cuddles everyone*

My housemate and I went out yesterday afternoon to meet up with a friend of mine that I met in the psych ward. We met up in the city and had an okay time.

No-one, except for my housemate, seems to realise the depth of depression that I'm sufferring through at the moment. The crisis team were discounting it by saying I should be happy that I have absolutely no hallucinations of any kind now the meds are at the right level. Meh. So over everything.

Just want to curl up in a corner and cry my eyes out. :(

*head/desk*
well the va emailed me back... now i have to call the va clinic in the hosp. and see if they actually enrolled me in their health program or if they gave me the vic just so i could use the hospital on base... then i have to have them set me up with an appointment with a gp... then i have to get referred to their mhs... so a lot more waiting in store for me...
par for the course as far as the va/i are concerned... they screw me over a lot. but its the only thing i can afford to do medically. go figure.
april i'm gonna pm u.

*cuddles April* its ok, I know that no one can give me an answer to whether I should come out to her or not, I'm just sort of thinking on RYL and getting thoughts down instead of them being in my head, she is 16, nearly 17 so a couple of years younger, yeah 80% is really good, its an A over here and she needs to get all A's as she wants to go on and do medicine. Its always best when the day that is cancelled is your worst day.

*cuddles Crimson* putting a tattoo design together sounds like a good idea. sorry you've got to do a lot of waiting for appointments and stuff, I'm in a similar position with waiting for appointments, it sucks.

*cuddles Laurastar* its horrible when roads aren't gritted and even worse when stuff isn't cancelled. I think it would be a good idea to open up to your bf, he cares so he'll want to be there for you.

*cuddles Kahlia* sorry the crisis team aren't being very understanding.

I'm so fed up and hacked off at the moment, 3 hour rehearsal on music that sounds awful and gives you a headache, then get a text from flatmate saying they have just decided to go to a concert so we can't have tea until much later, so I'm really hungry and annoyed with a headache.

thank you for the cuddles. checking in. was able to stay home today because of the snow storm. we have about a foot of snow so far and more on the way. my eye is twitching. i hate it.

sometimes i feel like such an outsider here which i suppose is because i don't post a lot. i post when i need to and i help others when i think someone could really use a friend.

maybe its because of the time difference between me and all of the UK peeps. i dunno.

i have no more excuses to not go into intensive treatment. i don't want my job anymore so i just have to take off some time (which will be paid) and hope it helps.

thanks again.

*cuddles everyone*

*cuddles everyone*

Oliver, I think she - your sister - is old enough to take the thought of you coming out pretty well... of course I don't know her but that age is usually pretty open-minded. I'm sorry that you have to wait for tea, & that you have a 3 hour rehearsal (that would drive me bats!! I have no idea how I stood orchestra for so long!!). Anyway... how are you feeling now? ♥

Crimson, the tattoo is lovely. :) Did it come out the way you wanted it to? And I'm sorry that the VA is screwing you over... but at least it's better than nothing, right? I agree, a lot of hoops to jump through to get care... it's kind of stupid, I think. But oh well.

Quiet1, I understand the feeling of being an outsider all too well... but don't worry about the time differences, I'm from the States as well & whilst it's a bit odd knowing that there's a 5+ hour time difference (I'm EST, so it's 5 hours for me), it works out. For me, at least. :) Hopefully you can connect to some of us more in the next few weeks instead of just dropping in randomly. Not that that's bad, you know, it's just that it's hard to get to know someone if s/he isn't around much. *more cuddles*

How is everyone else doing?

I'm really tired, want to purge as we just ate supper (although it was yummy)... grrrr. Want to get on WoW and read at the same time, so don't know what to do... lol, what a huge decision to make!! :P

I'm scared that some of the uni work I sent in earlier is rubbish. I'm trying to figure out a senior seminar paper to write & I can't seem to settle on a topic. It's so annoying!! And we are in groups in that class, & my group consists of two sorority girls who knew each other (well) before they knew me. So I feel really alone & out of it... I hate that. :( It sucks. And I can't complain to too many people at my uni about that because they might know these girls. ARGHHH!!!!! :(

*hides for awhile in the denial tent*

thanks april :) i'm still tweeking it a bit and then to find the time to get it done... too much this weekend so maybe thurs or fri? or next week? i dunno. we'll see when i have time.
and yes it is better than nothing. and between tweeking that tat image and reading it keeps my mind off of things most of my non work day...

*cuddles everyone and then disappears into the denial tent to pretend all is well and stop crying*

*cuddles April* yeah I agree she will probably be ok with it, but I'm still terrified about it, I'll see if a good moment comes up over the weekend and play it by ear.
I'm sure your uni work wasnt rubbish, I think we all think our own work is rubbish compared to everyone else's but actually it turns out to be ok. I'm sorry you feel alone in your group in classes, I know what thats like and its really not nice.

*cuddles quiet1* is ok for you to pop in when ever you want, there are quite a lot of people from the US and other places, but times often overlap.

*cuddles Crimson*

I've had tea now so all cool, but slightly annoyed at flatmates for still calling me old name, even though I've told them to call me Oliver, but I can deal with it at the moment, its just irratating. Really looking forward to Saturday as got the trans group again, so I can totally be me with no worries and everyone calling me Oliver and male pronouns so thats good, just need to get through the next 2 days.

*hugs april* I'm sure your uni work was not rubbish. And its really horrible working with a group that you feel outside of. that always seems to happen to me, i hate it. Hope the rest of ur evening was good.

*hugs oliver* I'm sorry that your flatmates are annoying u. U could try talking to them very seriously if they continue.. U should be able to be whoever you are especially when ur at home. Sounds like u have a good time at ur trans group. Glad u have that support.

*hugs quiet1* im from the states too, so don't feel too much like an outsider in that regard.

*hugs crimson* sorry the va is not being as helpful as u want them too. But as april said, its better then nothing.

*cuddles kahlia* It really feels bad when people dont believe that you are having issues or that there is no reason for u to have them. I'm sorry people arent listening/trying to understand.

So much work so little time. Way stressed out tonight. I didnt talk to my bf yet.. we went to dinner tonight but it was just a nice break from everything else and i didnt want to spoil it... so the serious talking will just have to wait.

Hi all *waves*

*big hugs for everyone*

My housemate and I did quite a lot of walking today. We got the council travel subsidy cards that we are eligible for and it cost us less than half the price to travel home as it had to travel in to town.

I also found that the local uni library has several copies of the report and full findings of the Inquiry into our Ward 10B debacle. I'm thinking of heading out there next thursday when I'm finished at the hospital.

Ah, the things that keep my brain amused .... they are indeed disturbing.

My mood is still crap. Not helped by the fact that it's raining. And it's now 6:00pm and I got out of bed at about 4:30am. Meh.

*cuddles everyone then disappears into the darkness*