I don't know that she wants to get rid of you... she's your mother... I DO think that she made an EXTREAMLY insensitive comment *snuggle*
I feel like I've just been proper jumped on :pinch:
some stupid girl started ranting at me in a thread...coz I made a comment...
thing is...other people have said the same thing...but she's ranting at me...
I feel low...it shouldnt make me feel bad...
but it has :(
i was doing well today...
*crawls away and cries*
Hunni, I'm not supriesd you feel rubish after that... I would too... Pay her no mind hun *snuggles*
I hate feeling this ><
I hate being paranoid and depersonalised and derealised and anxious and depressed ><
Make it go away :crying:
*hides in the corner*
Will someone come sit with me?
I'm not safe, I don't know what I'm doing.
My head is full of SI, OD. I don't want to do it, no I do.
I don't know I want to be safe but I want to rid myself of these feelings. Oh I'm a mess.
Tonight is going to be too long.
Is anyone here? I need someone please. I don't want to be alone, it's too scary and unsafe. Please please, come and sit with me.
I can't stop myself, please help me.
*Sits with you*
Stay safe sweety...
Talk to us?
We want you to be safe and I'd hate it if you hurt yourself...
Thank you. I don't know why I feel so bad today. There's nothing in particular to have made me feel so bad but I hate this feeling. i can't keep control and I am struggling.
I'm sorry you're feeling bad...
I wish I had something for you...
*hugs you tight*
i am back from spain, despite the fact that fate did its best to trap me on a plain at London Heathrow where we had a layover and the fact that American Airlines tried to not let me on their plane and then proceeded to destroy my luggage (honestly it looked like somebody slashed it with a knife and one of the handles is ripped off completely and missing - thankfully my clothes are okay)
i am in a comlpete daze though atm and even more out of it thanks to a surreal therapy session..... and tomorrow morning at 7:30am (why why why so early? i mean really come on people can i not have a break here?) is my first group session. hopefully i won't vomit on the other group people out of sheer terror. that is a distinct possibility.
so anyway i am back and i am never ever ever traveling ever again.
it is only thanks to the denial tent that i survived. i swear i just told myself the whole time i was away that i was safe because i wasnt really there and that i was in my safe little tent hiding from the world lol. actually i was in spain and staying in a dirty smelly moldy hostel with 4 strangers who varied from night to night but tended to be men who snored (i got no sleep. and they smelled which made my clothes smell and my hair smell and made me smell. lovely.)
also, i am apparently incapable of operating the turnstiles at the metro in the underground in foreign countries, and i somehow managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile thingy like my second day in Barcelona and the thing slammed into my legs and i got this huge awful bruise that hurt when i walked for like 3 days and is still there. it's this huge lump and it is like all the colors of the rainbow. and i have another one on the other leg that is black, but at least that one is flat. it's so weird though because at this point they are two weeks old and they still aren't gone. the one with the bump like sticks out so far that you can even see it when i wear jeans and on the plane home my friend i traveled with was touching it and was like "you still have a bump?! it's two weeks old! that's not normal....." lol so i am lumpy and battered and jetlagged but home.
watch out for the turnstiles in the spanish metro system people - they are dangerous and prone to attack!
Squiggles i hope you are doing better now hun. feel free to talk and post any time and pm me if you ever need to.
hugs to you, too, Alexx. i see that you are my RYL twins lil sis so you are also my lil sis by extension ;) *squishes you*
ALYSSSAAAAAA i miss you and i want to know how you are. when i am not completely in a haze (driving to therapy today i made like 3 wrong turns despite the fact that i have a GPS lol) i will write to you and we will catch up
Helen and Emma and Jeremy and Chloe how are you all?
*unpacks the Denial Tent from her suitcase and checks the campfire and starts to make smores and popcorn and hot chocolate*
*pounces and hugs you tight*
I missed youuuuuu!!
Ok...now I'm over that...I can reply properly.
sorry that your holiday had low points!! that majorly sucks but at least you're home now :)
We all missed you looooaaaadddssss!!!
If that bruise doesnt go soon....go get it checked out....(My brother came home with a splinter in his side from Tunisia and didnt even realise!!! silly boy climbing trees :P)
NAUGHTY SPANISH METRO TURNSTILES!!! ><
:O!! I only just realised that hehe (that I'm kinda your little sister by extension :P)
If you've read back...you'll know Helens net is down for the next 8 days...but I'm not sure coz you might be tired...so just to let you know...:]
*Sits you down and gives you hot chocolate and toast while I help unpack and wash your stuff*
There you go...no more smelly-man-smell :]
Im so glad youre back!!*hugs*
*runs to join Alexx in jumping and pouncing on Callie* CCCaaalllliiieeee!!!!! yay! :)
Hot chocolate Emma?:]
Then we can have a big catch up with the AMAZING Callie :)
*cries cause she's SO happy to have her RYL twin back*
Oh I missed you SO much! You are neverneverneverneverneverEVER allowed to leave again... I don't know if I could handle it...
I'm sorry you had such a crap time in Spain. I AM glad you had the denial tent for comfort though...
*helps you unpack also*
Don't mind me... I had an awful therapy session myself... I feel just awful atm :crying: and I've got to go to work in 45 minutes :crying:
It shouldn't have been a big deal... We talked about basically getting through this term, because that's what I need to do, just finish this damn term... The problem is... I don't know what I'm going to do... I can't even see to the end of the term let alone beyond... I am not sure I got my point across well... I told him I didn't care much any more... I don't really care about anything any more... Something died... I don't know what but I can feel it, physically. It was wounded for a long time... After my family found out I cut it killed it, it died.
... I'm mortified that I told him that... That 'It' died... I know it sounds melodramatic, rediculous, impossible, and all that... But it's true...
:crying: I wish I was dead :crying: I'm sorry :crying:
Awww Ally sweetheart!! *holds you tight*
I wish i could help you...
It doesnt sound melodramatic or ridiculous or anything!! I fully understand what you mean and I, and everyone else is always here for you!
Take Care of yourself, you really are doing so well!!
Feel free to PM me anytime...
still can't get over the happy for being here haha
alyssa twiny i can't believe how much i relate to that
had a totally crap therapy myself today and i feel just like you - i just don't see the point anymore
so i propose that we try together to care and think of the future and motivate ourselves. it's always easier when you aren't alone.
awww and i am so sorry to hear about the family finding out drama. i can't imagine what that would feel like, i can't at all. *hugs you*
*dances around with Emma and Alexx* yay thanks for the welcome backs and all the help from everyone unpacking
when i'm nervous i'm a BIT of an overpacker and i was really anxious packing for this trip so yeah it's a lot to unpack..... and mostly i am avoiding it and staring at everything in a huge pile on the floor. do you think that perhaps there are clothes fairies that might put it all away if i wait long enough? *sits and waits and stares at pile*
i didn't know Helen's net was out! hopefully she can get to it at the library or something? ew it's a bit scary how dependent we all are on our comps, isn't it?
CALLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! HELLO!! sorry your trip had its crappy moments but hey you're back now to join us computer-dependent lot on here lol.
hope it wasn't all bad - any good stories?
i had to look at bodies and stuff today in my anatomy lab. i feel kind of sick.
Chloeeeee!!!!! ew i'm sorry you had to look at dead bodies.... *feels sick for a moment with you just thinking about it*
hmm stories let's see
other than injuring myself accidentally in the turnstile in the metro and having the airline destroy my luggage and try and trap me in Heathrow airport, i can't think of anything at the moment
maybe when i'm not jetlagged and tired and out-of-it i can think of something amusing to tell you all lol
ugh there was the awful hostel, though. it was smelly and moldy. at first i thought it smelled nice and they were always burning this lovely insense and i thought they were just cool hippies or something. then one day the insense burnt out and they took a while to replace it and i discovered that they actually burn the insense because the entire hostel smells like a rotting sewer. also the pillows were completely like deflated and for some reason every single person who checked in that snored they put in our room, i swear. even some of the women i stayed with snored! sleeping when you are in a crappy hostel on a crappy holiday is bad enough but the snoring people was just overkill.
in response to your reply to my thread, im not really sure. i think i'm going downhill, but im kind of scared to tell my counsellor and rant about wat i'd like to rant about, cos she wld feel obliged to tell someone.... :s which wld NOT be good. so yeah. i dunno.
*sits and waits expectantly for you to get over your jetlag so we can hound you for stories*
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