I don't want to keep going.

Does your council offer crisis grants? Some have a fund to give to those who are at risk of food poverty, debt and homelessness. It's supposed to be a stop gap while other support is in place. Dunno if it's an option for you.

No.
And I'm not eligible for anything they do fund.

I can really relate to your struggles both with your mother and with money.

I know things are hard, and I'm sorry I don't have better words. But I have read and I care.

Thank you.

How do you stop having emotional reactions and feeling things?

As much as that seems like a solution, it's really not. And probably not even possible. Having emotion is (unfortunately) what makes us human and is actually a pretty wonderous thing to be able to feel things deeply (usually positive things, that is).

I think the real question is how do you learn to control, lessen and react to those negative emotions? I don't know the answer to that though. =/

I'm sure normal people don't scream and cry so loud that their neighbour knocks on their door cos they broke a tiny piece off a 3 year old plastic star that goes on top of the Christmas tree though.

And I have multiple episodes like that every day over equally minor things.
Its exhausting. And I am cold.

It is exhausting to be so emotional, to feel things so intensely. I can relate although I don't outwardly express things much. When you're in that place do you recognise that you're reacting in a huge way? Enough to question yourself and try and calm things a bit? Has anyone ever supported you to manage your emotions? I'm not sure how to go about it, sorry. I know that things can hurt so much and I'm sorry that you feel that extreme pain too.

I realise im being stupid and that makes it even worse because I cant calm down anyway even though I know i. being idiotic.

I'm seriously closing to overdosing. The amount of tablets I have will kill me. No I cant get rid of them because I need them for the reason they are prescribed. Will someone come 'be' with me?

I'm here for company if you're still around?

I'm also here. If you're very close to ODing, please know it's okay to seek help. It's important that you have support to feel safe in such desperate times. If that doesn't feel like an option, is there anything you can do which is safe to feel more comfortable until tomorrow?

Theres no where to get help from.

You can go to A&E if you're feeling at risk? The crisis team there should be able to assess you. Are you allowed to call the crisis team without going to A&E? I know it's different for different areas.

Am trying to crochet and cuddle the cat and take the piss out of x factor outfits. Cant though cos I'm shivering and crying too much to be coordinated

Cant get to A and E. Theres no buses. Cant afford the bus even if there was one.

That sounds like such a difficult and painful place to be. You're trying so hard, and have been for so long, but I wonder if now is the time to get crisis help. Things won't always be this horrible, but that's hard to see right now.

Could someone take you there?

How about calling 111 and telling them how bad things are? They might be able to know what to do.